Alterna-Mom

What Essential Oils does Alterna-Mom Use?

2011-12-02T10:39:00.004-05:00

I have been asked several times lately which essential oils I use with my family. I only trust and use Young Living Essential Oils because I know how they are planted, farmed, harvested, and steam distilled... They are FDA approved for internal consumption and my little ones benefit from diffusing and topical application as well, which is the easiest way to reap the benefits of therapeutic/food grade essential oils.

We have used essential oils to address a wide variety of issues including (but not limited to):

autism
anxiety
nutritional support
sleep issues
ring worm
kidney stones
poison ivy
flu and cold
pink eye
wound care
constipation
academic support
liver support
immune enhancement
melt downs
and many many more!!!!

If you are wondering how to get started with Young Living Essential Oils. It’s really easy:

Go to www.youngliving.org/alterna-mom
Click the “sign up here” tab on the right hand side
Click “Independent Distributor” to purchase all your Young Living products at the wholesale price
Click "I Agree" on the distributor application. Note: As a wholesale customer the only part of the agreement that applies to you is you must have a minimum of 50PV / $50 worth of purchases a year, to maintain your wholesale pricing – That’s it! That is ALL you have to do to maintain your wholesale pricing discount.
Please use my enroller and sponsor number “#1183617” to be a part of my team and a member of the Young Living Success Group (this is a group of people just like you taking charge of their emotional and physical health).
Choose your “starter kit” …there are 5 to choose from. I personally started with the Everyday Oil kit.
When your kit arrives I will go though it with you, show you how to use your $40 diffuser coupon and answer all your questions.

____________________________________________________________________________

Distributors/Wholesale Customers enjoy:

Saving 24 percent off retail prices.
Buy what you want, when you want.
No required packs to buy.
No obligation to sell anything, ever!
No annual fee
A $40 off mail-in coupon on a diffuser in every Start Living kit

Optional Savings

If you enjoy saving even more be sure to read about Essential Rewards to learn how you can earn free product!

I look forward to growing our Young Living community…please let me know if you have ANY questions about getting started with Young Living or which essential oils are best for your unique situation.

If you would like a skype consult... let me know that too. :)

Serendipity and A Random Driveway

2011-11-29T10:34:00.003-05:00

Do you believe in serendipity?

I do...

Yesterday I was turning around in a random driveway, and noticed an autism bumper sticker on the tattered car in the driveway. When I looked up, I saw an anxious little face in the bay window....

I have been wondering since if I was supposed to stop and knock on their door... but what do you say, "Um, I know strangers aren't suppose to knock on your door.... and I am probably cause a meltdown with your child, but I was turning around in your driveway and.... I think we are supposed to meet...."

I believe this is how the Universe works, but the mother would have called the cops on me ~ LOL!!!

However, I dully noted the house, maybe I should go back. What do you think? Heck, it was probably one of my autism friends on here.

Halloween Nights

2011-10-21T11:30:00.016-04:00

Halloween is around the corner…. In fact just 10 days away.

It is a super-charged time for me. Firstly, it brings up significant memories for me. Secondly, this Halloween will be the 3^rd year anniversary of our daughter’s formal autism diagnosis… A day our life changed forever!

However, on that Halloween in 2008, I came home and I couldn't breathe…. I was in a stupor for 3 days. Ironically, in hindsight it reminds me of how I felt in the hard plastic masks we couldn’t breathe in as a child; they got unbearably hot as the night went on… which was odd since we lived on the water and the wind chill was certainly cold under the plastic princess dress that didn’t let you move properly and was sure to tear before we made it down even the first street in Jamestown.

No, I didn’t grow up in Virginia…. I don’t know how the community got the nick name other than there was a street close to our Catholic Church called James Street. And the little neighborhood nestled between Lake Erie, the park and the Catholic Church was known as Jamestown; everyone knew everyone back then. All the kids attended the K-12 school and all their parents had gone to school together and their parents and the parents before them.

(This was a nice part of growing up in a small Ohio town.)

On this night, all the cars from the families that lived on the outskirts would roll in and hundreds of kids would pave up and down the street while their parents were nestled warmly in the car waving to the elderly folks on the doorstep. House to house… until the last house of the night… Grandma’s House! That was the best stop, not really because it was Grandma (although this is one of my fondest memories of her)… but she was sure to give us the best treat of the night!!

We would pile back into the car and Mom would remind us not to eat ANY of the candy in our pillow case (our make shift bag) except the one from Grandma; of course because that would be the safest piece of candy in the bag. I am not sure what was in the news those years… I was little, but even though everyone knew everyone, we were not allowed to eat one piece until our parents checked the loot to make sure it was safe to consume… with no pins or tears in the wrapping.

On the way home, Dad would drive around the horn (the quiet peninsula on Lake Erie; another nickname I am not sure the history of) with the window cracked just enough to flick his cigarette ashes as we excitedly pestered our Mom until she said, “Okay, now you can eat your Hershey Bar!” Grandma’s Candy Bar was surely THE best piece of candy in the bag!!

Other memories float in the recess of my mind like the year my Brother made a homemade costume for the Fire Station Costume Contest… a huge pumpkin made out of mesh wire and newspaper with glue water painted bright orange. Not only did he win, but he fell walking down Jamestown and rolled down the street… Hysterical even to an 8 year old!

Or the year when we were much older and my siblings took me to my first Haunted House…. Which was pure terror even for a 16 year old. The ‘werewolf’ (not the warm and sunny kind that Jacob is in New Moon) picked up on my fear and ran with it. He wouldn’t leave me alone as we waited over an hour in line to go through… I was so scared I PICKED MY BROTHER UP and barricaded myself between him and a large tree. Mind you I was a tiny adolescent… could blow away in the wind; Fear and Adrenaline was my strength!! On the way home we laughed so hard we cried.

Halloween was a fun holiday!! As I moved grew older I still came home during my college years, dressed up and went Trick or Treating with my niece in Jamestown…

My husband and I had our first date on Oct. 27, 1988! We were supposed to go to a HauntedHouse, but ended up at

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers.

Every year since, we watch a scary movie in honor of our first date. On our first Halloween Married, we went to a costume party as a Biker and his Bitch... we had a blast when no one recognized my new hubby! We went home the next day to celebrate what unknown to us would be my Father's last birthday. My Dad about flipped out when she saw my fake tatto... he thought it was real!! Of course, I milked the situation as best as I could until I thought he was going to kill me.... not really.

As we became parents ourselves, my love for Halloween continued. I loved seeing my little ones dressed up as little cows and ladybugs!! Of course they never ate the candy; I would take it in to my office and give it to my clients. On my oldest daughter’s fifth Halloween she handmade her costume…. Tinker Bell!!! She picked out the fabric, cut it, hand stitched it… for weeks she worked diligently on it. Taking pride and care in each stitch…

On that Beggar’s Night, we went Trick or Treating with a group of other parents and their kids. They were on a mission to get as much candy as possible, running from house to house. One mother had our whole route planned out to hit the most houses… as if she couldn’t afford to buy her own kid a Twix (said with a little contempt in my voice)! BUT, Emily didn’t go up to half the houses that night!! She danced n twirled like a real Pixie, while telling everyone who would listen about how she had made her own Tinker Bell Costume. She rolled down hills of leaves and was happy being removed from the drama around her.

Every year since, we have hand made our costumes… with a family theme:

Harry Potter, Toy Story, Fairy Tales, Egyptians, Puppies and Dog Catchers, And this year… Ancients!!

ANCEINTS… people or concepts of people that are from our past that still influence us today (Emily’s idea)… Ancestors that are from many many generations before us still bringing us enlightenment! Over the years, Halloween has become as significant to her as to me. I am sure on Nov. 1 she will be asking, “So, what do you want to be next year?”

On the Middle School bus yesterday, the kids were boasting about smashing pumpkins and taking the whole bowl of candy left on porches… my eldest daughter came home expressing how stunned she was. Emily said she couldn’t believe the disrespect and immaturity the kids were bragging about. When she called them on it, they gave her a hard time and asked, “Well, what do you do for fun then on Halloween?”

She, very matter of fact, told them she walked around with her family… They balked at her, but she continued to tell them about our family themes, and how her sister was diagnosed with Autism on Halloween 3 years ago. So for her little sister to design her own costume this year was a big deal; and supporting her sister was more important than the junk they were stealing.

She told me some of the kids got quiet, but the bully just went on with her rhetoric, but she didn’t mind. She said that she understands most families are not as close as we are… and she found that to be sad. She is very insightful… perhaps a true Ancient resides within her!!

This morning as I laid out our material and the intricate plans Emily has sketched for us for the construction of these costumes… I am reminded how Halloween has signified so many moments in my life! It isn’t about the loot and the monsters or the devil as some religious persons believe. It is about clean fun, family and creating memories with our children.

…This year will be no different. We will spend the next 10 days diligently working on our costumes for a night of family fun complete with Trick or Treating, Pumpkin Carving, Hot Homemade Chili waiting to warm us up afterwards…. AND FAMILY MILESTONES!!

I AM ME... The Autism Discussion with my Daughter

2011-08-07T13:47:00.009-04:00

Every year the Ohio State Fair marks a monumental moment for us... the home stretch of summer break. This year was no different... until we arrived there and then the twists and turns of the day lead to an unexpected turning point in our world of autism...

We were greeted by a procession of dozens of motorcycle cops blowing their horns with flashing lights... what was the big deal??

SANTA!

Sahara is obsessed with Santa (and I mean that literally). The past 3 weeks have been riddled with Christmas Carols, crafts and plans about how we now have a fireplace to accommodate The Big Guy entering the house Christmas Eve... never mind you it is the dog days of summer. This has left me wondering why we tell our children this lie.

Now once upon a time I thought this was a magical right of passage.

Today? I see how my older NT daughter is completely upset that I had lied to her all of these years. And although I know we shall get through this, it leaves me wondering how we will address this exaggeration of the truth to our autistic daughter. The not so well thought out excuse, “The spirit of Santa Clause lives in us all as long as we believe,” will certainly not suffice to my concrete thinker.

I have even started saying to her, “What if Mommy is Santa?” And she looks at me with a ‘I don’t understand’ expression and moves on. In fact, these are one of those moments in parenthood that you regret bringing mainstream delusions into the world of autism. I suspect that this will be a very difficult situation to overcome...

Anyways, let’s get back at the State Fair.

Each year we have a previous year’s experience to help measure our progress.... and HUGE MILESTONES were evident.

From being able to ride independently on rides as we stood on the side lines looking on just like the other parents ... to her exclaiming that she wanted to go on the Big Yellow Slide and The Caterpillar (junior roller coaster). What is so amazing about that? She asked for them before she saw them... which means she not only remembered the fair from previous years, but had the words to tell us.

Having more and more words coupled with receptive communication has been our biggest growth this past year (especially the past several months).

Words were sandwiched between every activity... but there we moments that reminded us that autism was still in our midst.

... like the time she refused to stop playing with the squirt guns at the water balloon game... the Carnie yelled, “hey kids if you aren’t going to play, stop touching the guns.” Of course Sahara didn’t understand his words muted over the back ground noises... so I quickly come to her defense, “she has autism and doesn’t understand you”. He huffs away, we move on.

.... or the time she ran across the bridge on an obstacle course and that Carnie yelled at her to stop running and when she didn’t he grabbed her arm and told her to go back and walk the bridge or she wouldn’t be allowed to come back on the rest of the day. I am hot, exhausted and snap, “she has autism". Then he gave me a look like ‘make her listen lady or else’ so I add, ".... I am doing the best I can.”

A few weeks ago I caught myself on numerous occasions saying in reference to her, “She has autism”, as a defense against perceived odd, annoying, or challenging behaviors. I wondered what message that this sent her? I remember thinking that I didn’t want her to use this label as an excuse and I didn’t want her to identify herself solely on this label and so I vowed to shift my language and beliefs. I obviously didn’t do very well with the oath at the Fair.

Each time this ‘defense’ came out of my mouth, I was left with a feeling of regret in my heart. And found my internal dialog was desperately trying to find an alternate way of responding (not reacting) to others frustrations, judgments, and demands on my child who IS EXCEPTIONAL BEYOND THIS LABEL!!

I realized at the fair that this is so much more about me than her... [or so I thought]. My daughter is good at teaching me huge lessons in life... patience, faith, trust, compassion, endurance, etc. This day was no different...

After using the bathroom, she washed her hands. As I looked down I knew that she was going to tear her wrist band for the rides off as soon as I saw it get wet... there was no convincing her to keep it on. She has sensory issues around water... so I knew the wet band was irritating her wrist.

Her dad and sister took off to go ride the big rides while we headed to the other side of the park to see if they would issue a new tag.

Honestly, I didn’t want to shelve out another $22 for a new wrist band and was panicked that they wouldn’t cooperate with my request. We arrived to the tent which was empty all except a middle aged man sitting at a table. He looks up and asks what I need and I blurt out, “My daughter has autism and tore her wrist band off when it got wet, can we get a new one?”

No Resistance.

No questions.

Just an understanding nod of the head.

He has her sit down and he repairs the band and puts it on her ankle over her sock to prevent further skin irritation... pretty sure he has done this before or perhaps he has a special child in his own life.

I am taken by surprise when Sahara starts to sob as we are walking out of the tent. I get down on my knees and ask why she is upset. Her answer punches me in the heart... “AUTISM”... I embrace her and we cry for a moment together... “I SAD!!”

“Does autism make you sad?”

A very clear articulate, “YES!”

“Do you want me to stop saying you have autism?”

She looks me in the eyes and says an even more articulate and clear, “YES!!”

I am floored... I don’t know if I should laugh or cry. On one hand, I am relieved she knows about the autism. Yet on the other, it is my own damn sense of insecurity and my Mama Bear reactions that most likely resulted in her awareness.... and she doesn’t like it... in fact, she said it makes her sad.

I always wondered when we would have “the autism discussion”... I never pictured it happening organically at the Ohio State Fair. But there it is.... “Yes, Sahara, you have autism... but no it does not define you. You are, can do and will become anything you so choose.”

So there it is... My 7 year old quasi verbal child just reminded me why I educate others that our kids are exceptional beyond labels... I have gone introspective and decided it really isn’t anyone’s business why my child has quirks... and really that IS my issue not hers. In her own way, she made it quite clear, that she is not defined by autism... she is Sahara Grace. And so, I move forward into our new chapter of our newly defined world within autism.

Dear Autistic Friends... My Gratitude, Frustrations and Empowerment

2011-07-27T22:23:00.009-04:00

Dear Adult Autistic Friends,

Thank you for debunking myths about being an autistic adult for me. Sahara (my 7 year old daughter) has gone from catatonic to achieving daily milestones... and I feel hearing your stories and befriending you has helped me set the bar high for this amazing child (when professionals said to institutionalize her).

Traditional therapy and educators didn't instill compassion and empathy in her. Nor did it teach her to strive for self actualization... which she WILL achieve some day. I have done that (along with father and sister.) Together we have worked day and night to see that she have the highest quality of life. Daily we meditate and focus on what our goals are... not the fears and struggles. If we got caught up in all of the woes than we would have little progress.

I have found gifts wrapped around this journey... and each of you have helped me achieve this. Yes, I know there are struggles... anyone who has read this blog knows I understand the raw side of autism. But, what I don't understand is how you set limits on what your autistic child will do 20 years from now. How do I know she won't get married? Or have a fulfilling career? Or travel on speaking engagements about her autism journey?

I don't... like I told the psych, "We don't have a crystal ball".

But, ironically... the extreme opposite is that I also get frustrated when outsiders talk about the gifts of autism... cause they do not know that raw emotional pain we go through and how much harder our kids have to work at seemingly simple things. I get offended by their assumption that they know more about this journey than us.

They do not see how hard I have worked to pull this child out of catatonia... when told we couldn't. How my persistence and attachment parenting taught her compassion, emotion and empathy... when told she couldn't. How we had to scrape pennies to get natural remedies... when they told us they wouldn't work.

I have worked hard at giving her the best chance at a life she so chooses... because she deserves that and so much more. And she has worked even harder to meet all of our demands on her young being.

Yes, like I always say, we have come a long way... but we have even longer way to go. But today I am optimistic that she will be a productive citizen and have all the opportunities her NT sister has. I know she will always see life through different colored glasses, but she is exceptional beyond the label and limitations of autism... as are all of you.

Thank You for your compassion, understanding, encouragement and friendship... it has helped empower me as a mother of a young girl on the spectrum.

~ Alterna-Mom

Morning Gratitude

2011-06-05T10:00:00.003-04:00

Morning Gratitude: Thank You God for trusting me enough to be the mother of these special kids!! Last night I was listening to Sahara talk, yes talk, to Emily and her BFF and I said to Jim... THIS is the same child that the psychologist wanted us to institutionalize... even through all the advocating and tears, I am so humbled to walk this path with them. THEY give our life deeper meaning and for that I am forever grateful!! ♥

Why I Blog

2011-05-27T13:09:00.005-04:00

Just feeling the need today to re-iterate why I blog...

My blog is a place were I explore my feelings and experiences that occur within the web of my motherhood. It is a safe place where I execute my right to freedom of speech. The beautiful thing about the art of journaling is that by purging words onto a piece of paper (or monitor screen) you release them. In doing so, clarity of a situation, experience or emotion may come forth. In making this journaling experience public, I hope that other parents (especially mothers) can gain wisdom, strength, and a sense of community from my entries.

Attention Educators: Stop Bullshitting Me (Part 1)

2011-05-24T22:56:00.009-04:00

I think educators think we [parents] are stupid.

However, I would like to remind them all [teachers, principles, aides and administrators] that as a professional counselor it is my job to see through people’s bullshit. And lately I have been wading in a lot of that.

I have tried to be nice, like Peter Wright suggests... but I have had my fill of social etiquette this year.

(For those of you who don't know: The district is moving our autistic daughter from her current building to the home building based on residency because of 'district growth challenges' or so they say... and we have let them know we do not approve. She is not only flourishing but has built friendships with the kids in her grade level.)

Anyways, the principle out right lied at the IEP meeting stating that the 'administrative team' reviewed her records and the decision was based on her excessive tardiness... "REALLY? because I put her on the bus on time every day this year; she better have gotten to school ON TIME". Of course her school record confirm that she was NEVER late to school. So we were told about 3 more songs and dances on why she couldn’t stay in the building where she was not only established, but flourishing!

What is interesting, we know there are other children in this same building who are not in their home building... and yet they did not get the same letter that we were told was 'standard' and sent to all students not in their appropriate building based on residency.

But the thing that bothered me the most... was the teacher I lovED and respectED didn’t correct the principle in her tardiness accusations... she sat there wide eyed and didn’t say a word... until the principle left the room. THEN she whispered, “She has never been tardy!!” Why didn’t you speak up when the principle was ‘arguing’ with me about this? I thought you were supposed to be Sahara’s advocate. (3 professionals you work with told me you have 'pull' with the district and could advocate for her to stay... so why aren't you??)

Then the therapist and teacher refused to add accommodations into the IEP that support these statements.... “she reads better with the lights off” (sensory issues) AND “she does better in OT with fine motor activities (like writing) when she does Brain Gym first”.

When I tell you I am unhappy about this not being in the IEP I get the response, “they will figure it out.” That Is not only an unprofessional statement, but unacceptable.

My poker face went out the window weeks ago, so you add, “well, Sahara just might tell them herself.”

Seriously?!?!

The child still often speaks in jargon and you are going to expect that level of verbal communication from her? Yet alone that is not the child's responsibility!!

“I thought you said you were going to relay that to the new team yourself?”

"Oh yeah I will” [big cheesy smile]... pardon me I think you are bullshitting me again!!!

This makes me wonder how much more bullshit you dealt out this year. Unfortunately, I will never know since my daughter has gross communication and language delays. But I wonder about the rides home when she said, “Sad... school... sad” as she whimpered. Or the day she came home saying, “Arm hurt....” And when I asked about it ‘nothing’ out of the ordinary was reported.

If you cannot speak your truth in front of the principle or directly to me when confronted.... I wonder how truthful you have been all year. So maybe, just maybe... once again, God is protecting Sahara by having her forced to move on from this building.

I know I have been very verbal about this on facebook lately... that helps me process. And I knew I would eventually get to the silver lining... I think I got there today.

I really was hoping for different outcomes... but time to move on. So, we are agreeing (as if we had a choice) to put her in the home building under the contingency that if we note ANY regression, we are reconvening the IEP team! And I WILL have my head so far up the new team's butt... they will be crossing every T and dotting every I for me next year. I will not let my guard down nor get all buddy-buddy with the new team. They are being hired by me to do a job... and I will make sure they are doing it.

So we end the school year bitter sweet.... you just heard the bitter.

The sweet is Sahara has made HUGE HUGE HUGE progress this year. She has bloomed socially and academically (reading, writing and doing math!!). If I see any hint of regression in the new setting I am no longer afraid to go to bat for this kid!! And again as an educated mother who has worked in the education and counseling fields... I am not hesitant on pulling her and home schooling. She deserves that and much more!

((Stay tuned for part 2 on Stop Bullshitting Me... Part 2 on Emily's adventure!))

IEP Season

2011-05-19T21:05:00.005-04:00

I have come to understand there are 2 different cultures of moms in the month of May... the moms counting down til summer break just so they can count down til school starts AND the moms who are in the midst of IEP-season. No judgement.... just keenly aware of the differences right now.

I used to be in the first culture (minus the countdown for school starting – I always dreaded seeing that big yellow bus pulling up to take my children away.) But once apon a time, May was the time of year to make summer plans and get all excited about the unlimited fun possibilities masked as summer vacation... I miss the simplicity of that lifestyle.

But that is in the past... now, I dread May (not really I love May, but I do dread IEP season). The awkward red tape that is surrounding our special children's education is very irritating to me... let’s face it the IEP really is a bullshit document. You never get what you think your child needs and the services never seem to be quite enough. And the teachers always say they are helpless while the people in suits sitting behind desks in a cozy building making 6 digits are really calling the shots.

I often wonder if they took pay-cuts, could our children get the services they deserve? This isn't a matter of whether or not a child will go to prom (and I guess sometimes it is), but their education really is about their future.... their life and potential. I suppose, as an administrator, it is easy to clock in, do your job and clock out. But for us parents it is a 24/7 lifetime commitment.

A commitment to a child... not a number, a name or a budget... but the living, breathing human being who has unlimited possibilities if given the proper support and tools. It shouldn't have to be this hard to secure our children a free appropriate education (or therapy, but that is another blog entry).

Autism and Breastfeeding

2011-04-30T20:57:00.003-04:00

So, you might be asking what breastfeeding has to do with autism. Well, nothing really… and yet everything in our corner of the world.

April is Autism Awareness Month; I have blogged on just about every topic pertaining to autism… except breastfeeding. Which, to me, seems a bit ironic as that is the single activity that began our quest to discover that autism was in our midst.

Another reason I find this strange is that I am a breastfeeding advocate. In fact, I dedicated a whole chapter in my book, The Mother Consciousness, to breastfeeding. The content ranged from the obvious (the health benefits, economic afford-ability and expressing milk) to the taboo side of nursing (reclaiming the breast as a rite of passage into motherhood as opposed to a sexual icon, nursing beyond infancy and tandem nursing non-multiple birth siblings).

Then of course, there was my self-proclamation of being an expert on breastfeeding. Obviously this was purely my own experiential honorary achievement that I had created. The Mother Consciousness was inspired by my innate desire to explore how the Jungian maternal archetypes had influenced my mindful decisions to partake in natural childbirth and my inherent choices within early motherhood. However, even with years of mindfully nursing my own children, I still was not aware (because it wasn’t evident yet) that nursing also would play a major role in the diagnosis, socialization and developmental growth of my autistic daughter.

The circumstances and awkwardness of nursing my second born daughter offered the first inkling that something wasn’t ‘quite right’. I vividly remember lying in the bed nursing while making googly noises – and feeling a sinking sensation when I noted she wouldn’t look at me or respond to my obvious attempt to interact with her. She stared off in space… into a private world of her own.

I thought this was an odd reaction. So I started to softly… then not so softly, say her name. She didn’t even wiggle a wee bit. I began to have flashbacks of her older sister nursing at this age (5 months) and she would gaze up into my eyes and reach for my face. I felt a panic in my heart as a siren was going off in the confines of my own mind that something wasn’t right.

Over the next two days, the same scenario repeated itself over and over… I increasingly grew more anxious. I knew in my heart that something was wrong, but I did not know it was autism. In fact, it would take years to get professionals to listen to me that something was wrong.

On the Eve of her first Christmas, I finally uttered to my husband, “Honey, we need to talk.” He got that look he gets in his eyes when he senses something is wrong. I took a long deep breath, “I noticed something the other night… well, I am concerned.” (a long pause) “Every time I nurse Sahara she just stares off into space... You know, Emily always gazed in my eyes when she nursed. But I have been thinking… and I don’t think Sahara has ever looked up at me when nursing.”(an even longer pause) “Not even once. She also doesn’t respond to my voice. Do you think she could be deaf?”

I saw tears immediately flow down his cheek as I validated some of his hidden concerns. My heart broke in a million pieces that night. To make a long story short the pediatrician blew our concerns off and said it was because I was a new mom. I reminded him that I have been a mother for 5 ½ years and know when something isn’t right, and there was something wrong…

Fast forward 4 years… Sahara was finally diagnosed with infantile autism on Halloween day 2008. Every time I tell this story, emotion catches in my throat as I think about how she gazed off into space when I nursed her and how the psychologist told us to prepare to institutionalize her because of the severity of her symptoms.

But I also remember her tiny fingers wrapped around mine, caressing me as if to say, “I am in here Mama… don’t worry.” And I think about how, even with the autism, she was able to seek my comfort through my motherly breasts when she was hurt, upset or frustrated just like her nuero-typical sister. That somehow, innocently touching my bare skin brought her the safety she needed in a world that was full of triggers and overwhelming stimuli for her; I was her comfort and transitional object.

I think about her eating disorder (children with autism often are picky eaters or experience pica) how I was always reassured in the fact that she breastfed beyond infancy, so I knew she was getting the most perfect nutrition. And how when she got sick (children with autism often have gut issues and compromised immune responses) I knew that she was still getting healthy anti-bodies through the breast milk. And even though she was catatonic for the first four years of her life, she was able to still bond and interact with me at a level that is beyond comprehension.

I venture to say that the mindful act of breastfeeding and attachment parenting may very well have been the catalyst to help set the stage to pull her out of catatonia when even the psychologists said institutionalization was going to be the only option. I am not ashamed to say we nursed her way beyond toddler-hood. I do believe that when she did not have words, that this motherly act alone, was a way for us to connect and interact with meaning. And when I see her breastfeeding her baby dolls and nurturing them through this intimate act today, I find peace of mind in knowing that she is learning how to express care, love and compassion for another human being.

This past weekend she was on the couch cuddling with me when she started to repetitively poke my breast with her small pointer finger. I smiled at her when she gazed up at me (perhaps I even silently rejoiced that at 6 years of age, she is finally able to gaze into my eyes without hesitation and that by some means we are able to create and nurture those building blocks that she missed during infancy).

What I didn’t expect in that moment, though, was for her to say, “Milk all gone.” I nodded yes and she continued in her broken early speech pattern to say slowly with much effort, “Milk broken. Mommy doctor. Doctor fix Milk.” Tears welled up in my eyes as my heart fell in love with this child for the ten-millionth time!

“No, the doctor can’t fix ‘Milkies’. Sahara is a big girl now, so the milk went bye bye.” We sat there in silence, her fingers continued to poke my breast as our breath synced together just like when she nursed.

“Mommy?”

“Yes, Sahara?”

“Milk all gone?”

“Yes, Milk all gone.”

“Sahara sad.”

“I know. Mommy sad too.”

So why is this interaction so important to share? Simply because it is the most concrete, expressive, lengthy ‘conversation’ we have ever shared together. Amazingly, the act of breastfeeding my daughter continues today to create opportunities for advancement.

If I had one thing to share with young women or expectant mothers, it would be… if you have genetic markers of autism and even if you don’t, seriously consider nursing your child. Nursing your child is not just about feeding him/her. Nursing your child is about cultivating essential human bonding and stimulating neurodevelopment and immune enhancement. Nursing your child could just be that vital gateway for future possibilities to manifest… and that could be ‘utterly’ colossal.

Breakfast Success

2011-04-26T11:28:00.006-04:00

Am I an overachieving mother?

Perhaps!

This morning for breakfast I made...

Sahara ~ Bacon, Fresh Strawberries and a Smoothie. After I delivered it to her (in bed) she said in a sweet 'I love you' sort of voice, "Downstairs, Mom." I suppose she was happy with her selection and just wanted to happily munch while watching Angelina the Ballerina by herself.

Emily ~ Cream Cheese and Homemade Berry Jam Stuffed French Toast, Bacon, Fresh Strawberries and OJ. She, too, is feeling the need to be by herself this morning and is watching Star Gate Atlantis in her own room. (I get sad sometimes about her new desire about having her own space, but that is part of the growing pains of motherhood.)

Mom ~ A Mushroom, Spinach and Cheese Omelet, a Banana and Hot Cup of Coffee. I am basking in the silence of content children in my midst with the fresh breeze coming through the open window. But, I know this moment won't last long... as is it almost time for the noon crunch of getting ready for the bus, then 5th grade home school goes into full swing. Today we move onto fractions and I am actually secretly looking forward to finding out how Junie B Jones is going to get out of the pickle she is in. Or maybe I just like hearing my daughter read...

Dad ~ Well, truthfully, I don't know what he had for breakfast. I intended on waking up early to make him something, but he was already off to work when I rolled out of bed at 7:15. I hope he is having a peaceful day in the pod.

I feel satisfied in this moment. I hope you all enjoyed your morning too...

Mamapalooza Columbus Spring Festival 2011

2011-04-26T08:21:00.007-04:00

MAMAPALOOZA COLUMBUS SPRING FESTIVAL 2011

COLUMBUS, OH (5/14/11) - -

Mamapalooza Columbus, a regional branch of New York’s Mamapalooza Inc., is providing an empowering Spring Festival again in Columbus, Ohio. This fun mom-centered, family-friendly, indoor-outdoor festival will take place Saturday, May 14 12:00Noon - 6:00 p.m at WholeKids Pediatrics & Yoga,1335 Dublin Rd., Columbus, OH 43215.

The first 100 Moms through the gate will receive a re-usable environmentally friendly bag full of goodies, coupons and more! Attendees can take part in a silent raffle, delicious food, LIVE music, and visit a variety of vendor/informational booths.

Dr. Dhanu Sant, MD FAAP will be just one of the many presenters that will be focusing on mother and child issues. Other presenters will be Hiliary Frambes of Parenting.com & Mom Congress, Alissa DeRouchie of Sprout Soup, Eileen Clary of HandyGirl!, and Erin Giddens of Young Living Essential Oils.

Mamapalooza Columbus will provide a safe space for the children to participate in arts and crafts, a creative mural, sing-alongs, story-times, family yoga, face painting and The Columbus Fire Safety House. There will be a nurturing space for nursing mothers too!

The full line-up of many talented mama-musicians & bands that will be rocking the stage include Tenara Calem, Vanessa Prentice, The Ginger Lees, Wicks & Wonder, Columbus Women’s Chorus, Megan Cameron, Za Unit & The Angry Men, One80, The Mamas & The Papa, Jerry & The Hashbrowned Seagulls, Randi Mockensturm, Lost Hollow, Katanya Ingram, Joanie Calem and Elliot 12trees.

Mamapalooza Columbus Spring Festival 2011 is presented by Sprout Soup, A natural family store. WCBE , Central Ohio’s NPR is the festival’s media sponsor. 10% of proceeds will benefit Amethyst Inc, a local women’s shelter. You can connect with Mamapalooza Columbus! on facebook.

Admission: Adults: $5; Children: $1; Families $10

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Still Autism Awareness Month: Your beliefs are important.

2011-04-11T08:45:00.007-04:00

It is April 11th and it is still autism awareness month... Are you aware?

When Sahara was just 4 and a half, we were told to prepare to institutionalize her!!

Why?

Because she was catatonic, non-verbal, socially withdrawn, and we were opting to not participate in ABA therapy.

Once we got the confirmation of the label... the denial subsided... and we got to work. It was hard; I will not sugar coat it. I worked 24/7 while trying to make life seem as normal as possible for my whole family.

TODAY she is no longer catatonic, she is a funny, intelligent, determine little girl with potential beyond your comprehension. No, she isn't cured. Yes, she will always have to work a little hard than everyone else. But, we have undeniably made great strides and are well on our way to creating a typical life for her. Typical? What is that anyways?

Never except sub-standards for your child.... your thoughts & beliefs are more important than prognosis from professionals... if you believe she can, she will!!! Sometimes that is all there is to give me strength to go on. I am glad we did it MY way... Sahara will do all of the things that they tried to tell us that she wouldn't... and more!!

Why?

Because her father, her sister and I believe she can... and now we are finding out that so does she. And that belief is what gives us opportunities and empowerment. My expectations are higher than anyones, who better to be her life coach?

This isn't airy-fairy wishful thinking. It takes time, energy, sweat, tears and let's not forget lots of money that never seems to be there... but all of those things are delicately balanced between laughter, joy, hope and unconditional love.

We have come a long way in a mere 2 years... speech, eye contact, parallel play, interactive play, expressive communication, gross and fine motor development... and the catatonia? Gone like the wind.... never to come back.

SAHARA WILL DO OR BECOME ANYTHING SHE DESIRES.

WHY?

BECAUSE SHE HAS THIS FAMILY BEHIND HER....

AND WE SEE POTENTIAL WHEN NO ONE ELSE DOES...

ROCK ON LITTLE GIRL!!!!!!

Autism Awareness Day: In a nutshell

2011-04-01T17:20:00.005-04:00

I am a proud mother of 2 daughters; one who is exceptional beyond this label, and the other, a sibling who is just as spectacular. It took us 4 years to get 'professionals' to listen to us bc of gender issues. We are addressing Autism naturally without ABA nor meds... want to know more about autism or how it affects females.... ask me any day not just on this hallmark day!! I have met the most diverse and supportive folks on this journey... to you I am eternally grateful. My husband is supports me and the girls unconditionally on this journey. Autism has strengthened our relationship. We have learned, over tears and triumphs, that Autism isn't the end of dreams, but a beginning of new ones... I have high expectations for both of my children and am busting through the limitations certain 'professionals' put on them. Yes, having autism in our lives sucks at times, but it also is extraordinary. My daughter is incredible and has taught us more than you can imagine. Thank you for sharing this journey with my family.

Restless Good Night Routine

2011-03-13T12:50:00.005-04:00

Our nighttime routine is anything but routine... it has no rhyme, no rhythm! It is undeniably the most difficult part of the day in the life of autism. When Mom and Dad are both exhausted from the day's events.... one child ready to crash n burn while the other is just getting her second wind.... or so that is how it seems.

Last night I had a revelation about this challenging situation; and ironically it was the very fact that this night was no different than any other that gave me the insight...

Everyone was in bed by 9:00pm. Well, everyone but Sahara... who was running downstairs to find her tiny wooden bed for her tiny plastic Bambi deer figurine. She turned every toy chest over until our apartment looked like a ‘Toys R Us’ explosion took place.

The thing that tugs my heart strings the most about this is that she doesn’t have the words to say, "Hey, did anyone see the little wooden toy bed?" Nope instead, she was running around yelling, "Where'd it go?" coupled with a bunch a mindful jargon that certainly... just maybe… most likely meant, "Hey, did anyone see the little wooden toy bed?"

So we spent an hour looking for a toy that she is obsessed with, but we didn’t know which toy we are looking for... a needle in the hay stack. Thank GOD for Emily, who is usually the one to break the code. She figured it out and Bambi finally got a proper tucking in!! Everyone was back in bed.

10:00 pm

"I hungry. I hungry. I eat chocolate pudding.... I huuunnnngry."

Chocolate Soy Pudding is one of the only things she will eat and I am certain she really was hungry... it had been hours since she had consumed anything other than string and paper; pica sucks and has been rearing its ugly head more frequently again!! This brings us to the next development of the story... After she ate the pudding... she said, "Potty!"

I tell her to go... after 5 minutes I say, "Sahara wipe and come back to bed."

"I POTTY!!"

"Are you pooping?"

"Yes, I poop." This was followed by several minutes of loud grunting. I get up and go to the bathroom to see her pushing with all her might!! Constipation!! I am certain it was triggered by the cardboard she ate the night before. There she sat in tears for a half an hour with just 2 tiny pellets to show for it. My heart aches! I can see the frustration in her eyes as she says, "Potty broken."

11:45 pm

After she settled back into bed, she decided she wanted to sleep on the futon at the end of our bed. We get her settled in, lay back down... and she starts to chatter non-stop. We can understand words intermittently, "mermaid... poop... party... frog...."

12:30 am

She was now hopping like a frog across the futon... and flopping like a mermaid, all while the chattering and giggles continue. Her dad tried to reason with her... but rationally we know there is no reasoning... she is stimming and we have to wait it out. I lay down beside her... I watch and hold the space... I can see that it is not a conscious game she was playing. But rather an obsessive flow of thoughts, actions and words.... pouring out of her.

1:45 am

Then just like every night... she suddenly stops. Silence!! She scoots closer to me... I can feel the sleepy warmth of her body as she cradled into my arms and gently played with my ear lobe and cheek.

2:45 am

The house was asleep.... as my own thoughts kept fading in and out of sleep.

4:00 am

She woke up again to use the bathroom.... sensory issues do not sleep!! It takes her another hour get over the moisture on her skin from the urination.

5:00 am

She was sound asleep. I was beyond the exhausted phase... you know, the one where you can't sleep. I lay there watching her peacefully sleep.... maybe one of the few moments of normalcy in her chaotic world... I heard her sister's heavy breathing… and my husband is in a deep soundless sleep. I was alone with my thoughts in the quiet of the night. I lay there thinking about this... and I conclude that this bedtime routine serves a grand purpose.

I believe that she is emoting the stress of her day; processing the events, words, interactions, demands, fantasies, constipation, pica, raw frustration of living in a world where few understand her thoughts and words... in the only way she knows how... in the quiet of the night… where she is safe and nothing will interrupt this process… she flaps, stims and processes her day. And once this unconscious need subsides she falls into a gentle sleep.

5 iPads for Autism

2011-03-11T10:31:00.005-05:00

I have a brilliant idea!!

I want to get 5 iPads into the hands of non/pre-verbal autistic children... and more if I can.

How?

Well, let me back up a tiny bit and tell you were I got the idea... It stemmed from my frustration with the system. I was using my blog as a rant... aka cheap therapy!! But as I typed those words, I started to get this idea... let's do a fundraiser to raise the funds for an iPad for Sahara.

But, I am not a self-serving person... so I started to think bigger, let's ask for more donations than what we personally need. Let's get enough to fund 5 additional iPads for other Autistics... Imagine the empowerment you would create in those lives!!

Hence the birth of the Sahara's Voice fundraiser.

Well, we posted the fundraiser 5 days ago and have raised $162 so far... while that is awesome!!! I want to keep it rolling.... please share this page with everyone you know... let's show the world what it means to pay it forward!!

Please remember a bunch of little things can add up to be a huge thing!!

If you have a company, consider donating in the company's name. The company will be acknowleged on our blog, twitter, facebook and in press releases.

Here are some links of interest:

iPad GIVES VOICE TO AUTISTICS

Extensive list of iPad applications for people with autism

Expressive application

Giving up 'The F Word'

2011-03-09T08:18:00.005-05:00

I swear, I admit it, and make no excuses.... I find it cathartic!!

In fact, I bet if you were to read through my posts, you would find it slipping in on some of the entries... like this one.

I vividly remember having an open conversation with the family priest when I was 26 about my love of the F word in my parents' kitchen.... that was interesting!! Sure glad My Mom didn't know what we were talking about in there!

I also remember talking with this saucy nun on campus during my college years about this fantastic word... she loved the F word too!! Isn't that a hoot?

BUT nonetheless, today is a pivotal moment... I have decided to give it up for lent. Oh, Dear Lord, it is going to be a long 40 days!!

BTW, My tween is so excited about this... I am sure she is plotting and planning detailed consequences if I falter even just a wee bit. Maybe I should come up with a replacement word...

Sahara's Voice

2011-03-06T10:42:00.006-05:00

Dear Friends,

My daughter, Sahara, is a pre-verbal six year old kindergartener… she has delays across the board developmentally and academically. Our family is still recovering from a 7 month unemployment situation caused by an agency wide down-sizing last year. As a result we, like many autism families, are unable to afford an iPad for Sahara. I am writing you to let you know how disheartened I am to learn that not all professionals see the obvious benefits of an iPad for autistic kids and what I want to do about it.

Let me start by telling you our story: I contacted our insurance company in early December to see if they would fund this much needed tool for her. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that all we needed to do was present documentation from her doctor and speech therapist stating that she would benefit from this assistive devise. If we could provide this, then they would put it before a panel that would make the ultimate decision… not a definite yes, but a better answer than I expected.

I inquired to our speech therapist about writing a letter on Sahara’s behalf. She was pleasant about it and said she would do so over the holidays. Well, the holidays came and went and no letter arrived. Finally, 7 weeks later I called to ask where the letter was. I was stunned to get the response that, “I can’t … it is unethical.” She continued to tell me that there was no research or proof that an autistic child would benefit from such a devise. (I am pretty sure she is living in the Stone Age!)

I am even more certain this response is political and follows a money trail. She was initially more than happy to comply during our first conversation and now was saying it would be unethical to recommend an iPad for an autistic child with gross language , communication , social and academic delays? To further illustrate my political theory, let me share that she also refused to work with another piece of equipment we have immediate access to. I informed her that I have a friend willing to GIVE me a Tech-Speak and she refused to work with Sahara with this equipment too… well, that is unless we completed an assistive technology evaluation through her agency. She then proceeded to tell me that this is a “very expensive” evaluation which “most likely will not be covered by insurance.”

Now, I understand that this $2000 Tech-Speak will not have all of the apps the iPad offers. In fact, I am pretty sure its capabilities are inferior by far. From what I understand the iPad does have a multitude of applications that can help aid in language & communication, academics, social stories, scheduling and so much more. I know from watching Sahara on the computer, that she is technology savy… must take after her father!! In fact, she can navigate through files on the computer almost better than I.

So, what do I do?

To make a long story short, I have decided to hold a fund-raiser to raise funds for the iPad. I hope that I can raise enough money to not only fund the iPad and applications for Sahara, but for other autism families with economic hardships. I am wondering, does any know if Apple ever offer discounts in such situations? So many families are struggling like ours… 1 in 91 kids today have autism… how can we get this equipment into the hands of those of us who do not have access to extra funds for this essential technology?

If you would like to donate to this fundraiser, you can do so HERE or you can send a secure “gift payment” directly to us through paypal via ladysusan@sbcglobal.net.

If you would like to apply to win a iPad through this this fundraiser… we are creating an application for you to do so. Once we raise enough money, we will post how many we have available and how you can apply.

We are raising funds until April 15^th… in hopes that we can have the iPads by May 1st.

Thank you,

Susan, Jim, Emily and Sahara

More than I Bargained For

2011-02-22T09:38:00.008-05:00

I know I promised an update with the coke and oil cleanse.... I have been contemplating how to put it delicately. Delicately? Well, if I am going to keep it delicate, I must keep it brief...

I am passing stones; tiny sand like particles... even still!

I drank 48 ounces of water with 4 drops of lemon and 4 drops of grapefruit YL essential oils before bed the night before... when I woke up, I had an explosive bowel movement. I didn't feel sick, in fact, I felt great!!

I drank the soda between 8:30-10:30am, then didn't eat anything other than the oil and water mixture til 3:00pm when I had a cup of soup... I just wasn't hungry. Drinking all that soda was nasty... so I kept drinking the water and oil with the intent of flushing the soda out of my body. At 7:00pm I passed more than stones... I don't know how, why or when... in fact, I didn't know THAT could come out of THAT... pretty sure I need to take a sample to the doc and talk with him about my discovery.

Yesterday, I ate less than usual, but continued to drink lots of water with the oils... and I passed more of what alarmed me the night before... Got way more than I bargained for with that cleanse... not sure if it was the coke, the oils or a combination... but something got something moving...

I am grateful I decided to do this cleanse.... knowledge is power!!

Kidney Stone, Coke and Oil

2011-02-20T08:45:00.005-05:00

My breakfast this morning consists of:

12 cans of coke

1 bunch of aspargus

distilled water

Burp!!

This is what I am doing this morning... Dissolving Kidney Stone with Coke for those of you who know me well, know I haven't drank pop in 12 years!! (this is not fun, burp!!)

I am going to follow it up with a 30 day cleanse with Young Living Lemon and Grapefruit Essential Oils. In fact, last night I took 4 drops of each to pave the way for this mornings yummy recipe (sarcasm)... and let me just say, "I know something cleansed from the urinary track."

For those of you who don't know this: I have had chronic kidney stones since last February and you can read more here here and here .

Oh, and I also have a bottle of Eucalyptus Blue Oil on hand just in case this gets painful. And you can read how that is significant to this whole adventure here.

Bottoms Up!!

Stop Exposing Me

2011-02-17T08:15:00.006-05:00

Dear Lobby,

I cannot take it anymore. I despise you for exposing me to all kinds of illnesses… and more so, that you expose my children!! We wait in you for autism therapy (speech, OT, PT & Social skills).... but so do the patients there for lab and chest x-rays.

I even said something once to the ‘suits’ doing an inspection on you… they smiled and shrugged me off.

Oh, once I also told the receptionist (when calling off sick) that I know I picked something up from you… and she said, “I bet you did.” I retorted, “Well I am going to formally complain, they need to give us a separate waiting area.”

Her reply? “Good luck with that.” (I bet she was holding a sarcasm sign!!)

…But I am serious!!

They make us sit 3-4 times a week in you… you are a tiny space that is mutually shared by others waiting for lab work and chest x-rays. This year I have never been so sick… the flu, colds, coughs, muscle aches, etc. I know I am picking it up from you.

In fact just today, while we were waiting, a mother and her 2 children came in for bi-lateral chest x-rays (confidentiality isn’t too good in you). The mother said to the youngest, “Oh baby, you are going to cough up a lung.” And believe me…it sounded like it!!! His sister wasn’t much better either… so I was relieved to see them go to the far side of you…

UNTIL… she told them to go play. Here they come waddling and coughing… straight at us. They stop to play with a toy right at our feet. I mumble to my daughter, “Maybe WE should go get a face mask!” I squirm and the mother calls them back.

Inside I feel bad, I know the waiting arrangements are not her fault… but I am pissed that week after week; day after day… we have to sit here with really sick kids waiting for lab work!! I am sure the mother sees my discomfort and she goes up to the registration desk and asks for a face mask… but just one. Never mind you the other child is hacking too!!

Her child starts to scream… I feel bad. I try to make eye contact to show empathy and she is obviously avoiding me. I shouldn’t feel bad; I am tired of being exposed to all of these germs. I never bought into the germ theory until this past winter…

The child screams some more… I look over with another look of empathy and am met with glaring eyes. The children hack some more and the receptionist comes out to give the mom some paper work and says, “Man, they are really really sick…” I cringe more… I know they have a right to be here, but do I have to have my immune system and that of my children attacked too?

All I want is to bring my children to therapy without having to be exposed to whooping cough, the flu and the like. I want to reclaim my health…

Sincerely,

Alterna-Mom

P.S. I forgot… You might consider yourself warned… I ordered THIS and I am bringing it with me next week… I will be spraying you, your chairs and toys. Robbers successfully used these oils to protect themselves while they robbed the plague victims…. Are you up to the challenge? I have let my friends know about this arsenal and told them to reference my number 1183617 … so the other lobbies will know it came from me. Good Luck!!

Autisms Sneak Attack on My Heart

2011-02-13T11:08:00.006-05:00

It has been a rough week in the world of autism at the Richardson’s…

~ PICA reared its ugly head again… I do not comprehend how my daughter can eat foam off of the underside of the mini-trampoline, yet refuse to eat the wholesome yummy food I loving create for the family. (Although, I know this isn’t a logical quest meant to understand… Pica isn’t rational.) But, not only foam; toilet paper, foil, string… yak!! The thought makes me cringe. I try to focus in those moments that this is not a conscious decision… it is part of the autism.

~ She is still obsessed with fire. We have thrown away every candle in the house… but it is not like we can just curb the gas stove. I have looked at locks and nothing seems Sahara-proof. I wonder what the fascination is with the fire. …The cause and effect? …The beautiful flicker? …The control? Perhaps all of it… Regardless, the lingering smell in the house is haunting!!! The innocent, “nothinnnnng” is undeniably infuriating… The fear is grasping!! I acknowledge I may never sleep again…

~ With young girls in the house, I have an open door bathroom policy. I view it as a natural way to educate them about proper feminine hygiene and the like. Well… until I found Sahara this week… with a tampon and trying to insert it up her rear-end. (Did I state that gently enough?) Realizing she thinks there are only 2 exits down there; how do you explain the 3^rd to an autistic child with communication delays? Needless to say the tampons have been locked down with the other random items of mischief. But, I am still left standing… wondering… pondering… how do I teach her about the birds n the bees and body changes?

~ Which leads us to the next event of the week… usually when Sahara is too quiet… we worry!! When I went up stairs to check on her, the bathroom door slammed. Once I got in the room, I was horrified to find she had climbed the linen closet (top shelf) to get down a razor… well, it could have been worse. (I remember my niece’s first blood ridden trial shave vividly!) But, luckily Sahara was just left with razor burned arm pits (which really is bad enough)!! So, yes, now the razors are residing with the tampons under lock and key.

~ The ultimate meltdown this week was exacerbated by tears… yup, her own tears compounded her meltdown. She has major sensory issues around getting wet… and her tears during her melt down flew her into a whirlwind of emotions and physical pain. Moments like these break my heart. I try my best to stay composed and support her patiently… but the helpless feelings can even swallow the calmest person.

Speaking of broken hearts…. Its Valentine’s Day weekend.

We typically do not celebrate Valentine’s Day… in fact; I have dubbed it a “Hallmark Day”. You can read HERE how last year I was pleased to get nothing for Valentine’s Day… as my hubby shows me daily in small intimate moments nestled between motherhood & autism how much he loves me.

However, Friday night we had a minor rare spat... when these happen, they usually happen just before bedtime when we are both exhausted from the emotional and physical adventures of the day. Well, that evening was no different… I happened to have a menstrual headache and recovering from a fever, plus I knew I had to be up at 5 AM to go to an important meeting… it was midnight and the kids were still up…

Sahara was running up and down the hall scripting! She then said she was hungry and ran downstairs. Well, because of the fire hazard, she is not allowed in the kitchen by herself… but I didn’t have the strength to get up… I just wanted to melt into my bed. Emily yelled to her father in the other room, “Daaaaad, she’s going downstairs.” He slammed the wall with his palm; it shocked me… which caused me to verbally react, “Did you really just smack the wall? Don’t do that!” I heard him huff only more… we are both exhausted… ready to collapse, but we know we can’t until Sahara is sound asleep…. I snap at him to forget it… he needs to remove himself and I will take care of it… Emily is upset; Sahara is stimming even more… I am fighting tears of anger back… anger at what… not him, not her… but just that our lives aren’t supposed to be like this… I am pissed that I don’t have my white fucking picket fence!! I want to scream… “Where’s my fucking fence!?!?!”

Soon after this, I hear Emily and Dad’s heavy rhythmic breathing... they are asleep. Sahara stays in bed for the rest of the night, but it takes another hour or so to get her settle into sleep. All is still… the alarm is going to go off in 4 hours… and I am laying there listening to the silence of the night… talking with God in the moonlight about this stupid fence in my illogical fantasies.

Later the next morning… my arm hurts… my left arm. I am walking through Walmart… trying to breathe in my nose, out my mouth… chest pains too… breathe in, breath out. I use cognitive thoughts to get me through the store… but inside I am really thinking about my Mom what has vascular disease (she had her leg amputated as a result last spring and had numerous heart attacks over the previous year… but I know it can’t be my heart because soon after her amputation, I went to our family doctor and had a complete exam to rule out diabetes and heart disease… he said I was healthy. His only advice… lose weight. What about the chest pains I get, “Susan, you’ve had them for 5 years.. it is most likely anxiety.” I actually try to tell him I have no stress… have to laugh… did you read the first part of this blog & I try to tell the doctor I have no stress.)

As the day went on, I was sure I was having a heart attack or stroke… but kept saying, ‘well it has been 3 hours, 6 hours, 8 hours, 12 hours… surely if I was having one it would have happened already’. I go take a shower to loosen up my muscles… it works until I step out and see Sahara sitting on the floor surrounded by my raw organic almonds… one in which she is attempting to put up her rectum. Hubby gives her a disgusted look and I call him on it, he looks at me and for the first time ever utters the words… “I HATE AUTISM!!” This is a paramount moment…

Part of me is relieved… I am not the only one. How liberating for him to say it. How healing for us to be in this raw moment together… how therapeutic to acknowledge that it isn’t the child we are frustrated and exhausted from… but autism.

Emily is oblivious to my heavy heart of the day and is planning out a perfect Valentine’s Dance… she has planned out the food, drinks, dancing and presents. It comes together perfectly… Sahara opens her own presents and is excited about them. Hubby dresses up in a suit and tie and sweeps Emily off her feet in a waltz-like dance… the smile of her face… priceless… I am certain it is a moment she will embed in her memory forever… a perfect family moment. A perfect family!!

When I lay down, I realize the pain in my arm all day was from Sahara’s head when she sleeps… I know this because when she laid there again to nuzzle… I felt the muscle screech in pain. I lay there thinking about how silly I was all day thinking I was having a heart attack, when in fact I was having an attack of the heart… My heart yearns for moments of normalcy for my children, for my husband, and selfishly for myself.

I laid there wondering how many other mothers feel like I do… recognizing the inherent beauty in her children and family, and yet raw emotion sneaks in intermittently to get the best of her.

…Today I feel better, more aware of my limitations, my strengths, my hopes and dreams. Today I feel ready to create a new picket fence… but this one isn’t all white and rigid… perhaps it is colored appropriately with all of the colors of the spectrum and full of groves & curves.

… And more importantly, today I feel ready to empower other mothers who may not have the inner-resources I have to pull myself out of the funk so easily.

Everyday Reiki Class for Special Needs Parents & Advocates

2011-02-02T17:21:00.005-05:00

I thought I would post an upcoming event I am facilitating. My 'soul' purpose for this class is to empower other parents and advocate with a simple, yet profound tool we have been using daily with our children for the past few years. If you are in central Ohio I hope you can join us.

THIS PRACTICAL CLASS WILL EMPOWER PARENTS & ADVOCATES OF SPECIAL NEEDS CHILDREN TO USE HANDS-ON REIKI FOR EVERYDAY CHALLENGES.

Reiki is a Japanese healing technique that can be performed in a variety of ways promoting ease and relaxation for the participants.

Be prepared to learn what Reiki (energy) is, how to use it and how its application can assist in the daily challenges of the special needs family & classroom.

Other material covered will include how autism and other disorders are related to the CHAKRA SYSTEM and how MEDITATION & the POWER OF INTENTION can dramatically effect our children.

Dress in comfortable clothing and bring a yoga mat or towel to lay on during the hands-on exercises. Refreshments will be available.

WHY I OFFER THIS CLASS:

They say pictures speak a thousand words.... The left pic is my daughter when she was in an autistic state of catatonia (Note the distance in her eyes). The right pic is 4 months later after consistent Reiki/Energy Work.

http://www.facebook.com/ph

oto.php?fbid=1015029004727

0440&set=a.101502900470454

40.540810.329192760439

DISCLAIMER:

Reiki doesn't cure Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADD, ADHD, ODD, PDD-NOS or any other emotional/physical conditions, however by alleviating some of the major energetic stressors in these very sensitive children, overall calming effects can take place without interfering with conventional treatments. In fact, we have found some of the more traditional therapies to be more effective in conjunction with Reiki.

COST:

Cash or a secure payment via paypal... please reference the email: LadySusan@sbcglobal.net

$100

IF you have a medical card or receive county funding, let me know... although I do not accept those funding sources (yet) I will offer you a discounted rate.

ABOUT ME:

Susan E. Richardson, BS ~ Art Therapy, MRC ~ Counseling, Reiki Master

I have a unique background in counseling, holistic wellness and a variety of energy healing modalities. I have been compassionately leading experiential groups and classes for 13 years. I use Reiki daily with my family and have seen miraculous changes in my daughter on that is on the autistic spectrum with consistent Reiki. My goal is to share this information with others so that they may experience similar results.

Book Review: A Course in Weight Loss

2011-02-01T08:16:00.008-05:00

A Course in Weight Loss

21 Spiritual Lessons for Surrendering Your Weight Forever

By Marianne Williamson

Our body image… or rather our perception of our body image can be fundamental in the development of positive self-imagery within our children and teens. It is vital for us to model not only a positive sense of self, but to work through the emotions, traumas and experiences that might have contributed to our weight gain. This process will unleash the opportunity to mirror to our children solid foundations for a healthy imagery of their own.

I am not suggesting going on a diet and making positive affirmations in the mirror every morning. Besides the concept of a ‘diet’ being a charged utterance triggering emotional responses, ‘diet’ also implies a magic bullet that when combined with unnerving willpower, can get you to your desired weight; leaving you with the faulty expectation that the issue is resolved prompting you to return to your former lifestyle without further action… setting us up for huge disappointment and often failure… only further compacting the psyche of ourselves (and our kids) around body image.

I suggest a new refreshing approach… one that will lovingly persuade you to go introspective into the heart of your real weight issues: Marianne Williamson’s A Course in Weight Loss ~ 21 Spiritual Lessons for Surrendering Your Weight Forever. This is not a quick fix program. In fact, I venture to say that this program that must be done full-heartedly and precisely as Williamson presents it in order to obtain all of the growth and benefits that it suggests.

Without hesitation, I will firmly adhere to the stance that if you mindfully work through Williamson’s lessons addressing the physical and emotional issues residing within you, you most certainly will obtain true optimum health; a balance of physical, emotional and spiritual expressions of the self … which is really the goal right? And as you obtain this definition of true optimum health, you will be well on your way to your desired weight and physical goals without scales, diets and intense exercise regiments.

In Marianne Williamson’s A Course in Weight Loss, she not only addresses our self image and emotional experiences around our weight, but interlaces a deeper healing tool; 21 spiritual lessons that are intimate to the root of your weight issues. As we heal on this spiritual level, our pain which has been encoded on a cellular level is released. This is when and where true healing takes place.

Like Williamson, I believe that our life experiences can be held in the energetic essence and cells of our bodies which then manifests our physical form. As I explored her 21 spiritual lessons, I found myself facing life experiences that undoubtedly resulted in my weight gain. I inadvertently unveiled parts of me that had been dormant within my core for decades that had originated before being overweight was an issue... in fact, they stemmed from when I was dramatically underweight. All in which most certainly contributed to my current self-image.

You can explore these concepts at your own pace; discovering and growing beyond your weight issues… while uncovering the defenses that have unconsciously masked your pain as unwanted pounds. As you venture through this process you will begin to Remember who you really are… a spiritual being, perfect in the eyes of God and deserving of the ideal body you desire.

At the end of each lesson, Williamson presents a reflection and prayer. I believe this is the where the ultimate transformation really takes place. After the sometimes raw self-exploration is complete, you find yourself sitting in silence mirroring your true self stripped of the labels, expectations, defenses and manifestations of your life circumstances. It is in this moment of the lesson that you embrace the authentic you which allows real change to occur.

As we obtain our ideal weight and heal from our past wounds, we provide our children with healthy self-imagery. And it is in our positive sense of self that we can create within them unlimited opportunities to embrace healthy choices and processing of their life circumstances.

“Marianne Williamson is an internationally acclaimed lecturer and the best-seller author of numerous books. To learn more about her work, and to join her e-mail list for notices regarding her lectures and events, visit her website: www.marianne.com.”

Hay House

Amazon

Barnes & Nobel

Chapters Indigo (Canada)

My Morning Rant

2011-01-26T09:30:00.006-05:00

I was on Facebook this morning and started to write a morning greeting in response to a post by a local autism center,"

"The latest British Medical Journal paper about autism and vaccines, which provides evidence that the initial report linking autism and vaccines was fraudulent, and the media coverage that ensued, miss an important point…"

...and since my thoughts wouldn't fit the character limit... I brought it here.

Firstly, I was stunned to see an autism school post something so controversial. I do think their job should be education, intervention and advocacy... and that their opinions about the autism/vaccinate debate should be removed from their public statements. (... So I thought that this post was risky.)

But, they are right about questioning the media's coverage ... because, of course, we know that the media is a great place to get unbiased information!!

Secondly, (here I go…) I think Wakefield is a scapegoat!! (Do you know he had nothing to do with our pre-autism decision not to vaccinate?) Yes, that is right we made this decision before autism was in our lives... And in case you are thinking, “See, you didn’t vaccinate and your child still has autism!” Let me clarify, that doesn't 'prove' anything... I often wonder why no one is researching maternal vaccine history... For instance, RhoGam ??

I know too many parents who have reported regressive autism, not to question it’s etiology. I do not think autism is ‘caused’ just by vaccines, and in some cases… that is precisely what I think. But, I also think genetics, environmental toxins take a role as well…

Moving on to what Really pushed my buttons… this particular post went on to quote Autism Speaks,

"Until science discovers the causes of autism and explains its dramatic increase, parents will continue to reach their own conclusions and desperately try a wide range of treatments, whether there is evidence to support them or not. The answer is not to look to the past and look for blame, but rather to look to the future. We need increased research financing directed toward rigorous science that can provide the answers that parents are looking for and deserve. Until this happens, we will continue to wallow in controversy, and people with autism and families will continue to struggle with autism on their own."

Geraldine Dawson

Chief Science Officer, Autism Speaks

New York, Jan. 13, 2011

Editorial in New York TImes by the Chief Science Officer of Autism Speaks

Let me be clear Autism Speaks does not speak for myself OR my child! I have many questions, but mostly where is all this money they raise??? ... and why (or how) should we take YOUR research seriously while you are insulting parents across the world with statements like this... how can we expect unbiased research ? We can't!

In this statement you are indirectly (no, directly) are asking for more money to fund research?? Does anyone else see this statement as exploitation?? In the first two sentences, parental desperation is address… then whap… they put their hand out!

What about the 6 digits your executives are making? Do you know many autism families have lost their homes, have gone down to one income, and are scrapping by to do what they can with what they have for their children while you sit in your fancy upstate New York office getting rich off of us?

I don't need Autism Speaks to tell me that my child is 'broken' or that my marriage is going to end in divorce or that autism is entity stalking my family... I have found a way past her label, the stereotypes, the fears... but that doesn't mean I sit back and quietly listen to this crap... stop exploiting our kids, adult friends and loved ones.

Stop paying your executives 6 digits! Stop spending more ((a lot more)) on travel and office expenses than what you contribute to autism research and family services. Then maybe you don't have to recruit parents on the front line to go out to collect donations and walk... when they should be focusing their attention on their child.

Finally, take the dollar sign of my child's head!!

Let me conclude with this thought...

Whether you believe vaccinations is the trigger for your loved one's autism or whether you embrace nuero-diversity... let's unite to empower the global autism community. It doesn't have to be a heated debate of one side vs the other.

In fact, I have found common ground with both sides. I do believe pre-natal vaccines contributed to my child's condition, but I also accept that she is phenomenal.. autism or not. I will continue to support her and offer her the tools she needs to reduce her challenges. I have found blessings disguised as autism...

But, autism doesn't define who she is... she is Sahara Grace, a fantastic 6 year old exploding with possibilities.

As for Autism Speaks... shame on you for exploiting our community.

Psst... Guess What??

2011-01-24T13:13:00.006-05:00

I have a new love interest...

Yup, It's true and it all started this past summer.

I was passing another kidney stone while at Mamapalooza Columbus. I had taken Percocet the night before with no relief. After a sleepless night, I told hubby (as a committee coordinator) I was going to the festival regardless of the pain or not… besides being up and moving was the best way to get this stone to pass naturally.

At the festival, the stone caused a constant dull pain with moments of sharp jabs. I walked around with my hand on my side… I think 2 people (including a MD) asked if I was pregnant. (**shakes head**) The MD advised me how to clean up my diet to prevent more stones, but that wasn’t going to rid the pain I had in the moment.

I happened to stop at the essential oils booth and was talking about autism (Of course!). I found out they had an autism protocol… completely skeptical, I kindly took some info and walked on. However, If you know me, you know that I am inquisitive… so as the day went on I went back to this booth numerous times to ask questions about this “autism protocol”.

Finally, early afternoon, the girl at the booth asked if I was okay… I nonchalantly said, “You don’t happen to have anything for kidney stone pain, do you?” She gave me a smile and said, “Let’s find out.” She pulled out this huge reference guide to Young Living’s Essential Oils and was flipping through the pages…

“Here try this… Eucalyptus Blue.”

I put 1 drop where my pain was, talked to her briefly some more about the business side of the company… and moved on. About 15 minutes later I was chatting with another vendor who complimented me on how good I smelled… I chuckled and pointed to the oils booth and said, “It is an oil from their booth. Apparently Eucalyptus is supposed to help with kidney stone pain………Holy Shit… My pain is completely gone!!” Why is this so amazing... read this, this and this about my chronic kidney stones.

TRUE STORY!!

… and that is how I found out about Young Living’s Medical Grade Essential Oils.

Since then I have tried other oils with amazingly similar results.

Eucalyptus Blue… 1 drop continues to eliminate the pain the comes with my chronic kidney stones. However, this weekend I applied some with olive oil on my daughter’s chest and back and within minutes her croupy cough subsided and she was sound asleep for the first time in 2 weeks.

Thieves… Said to have anti-viral, antiseptic properties... Weber State University (Ogden, UT – 1997) studies showed anti-bacterial effectiveness against airborne microorganisms. Like I said, my daughter has been pretty sick for the past 2 weeks; fever, croupy cough, aches, pains, ear ache, etc. After 3 applications of thieves on her feet, she was up and walking about… slowly, but was up nonetheless. Oh, and this morning I ran out of laundry soap… we already had those magnets you can put in your washer, so I used those with a drop of the Thieves oil and ‘wa-la’… clean nice smelling clothes without the use of harsh chemicals. Have to love it!!

Peppermint… We have used for indigestion, muscle pain after falling on the ice, and for mental alertness.

Lavender… 1 drop on a cotton ball put in our daughter’s bedroom and she is asleep within 30 minutes. This is our ASD child that has had chronic sleep issues since birth!! We have also used this one for muscle aches and ear aches.

Peace and Calming… 1 drop on a cotton ball in the Master Bedroom melts away the stress of the day for myself and hubby. Have also used this over the liver (Blue Tansy is said to cleanse the liver.)

Valor… A few drops mixed with olive oil rubbed along the spine is fantastic… they don’t call it a chiropractor in a bottle for nothing… love love love this one. I have also used this one for grounding myself before reiki sessions and for self-confidence building for myself and children.

So, these are the testimonies I have so far in my own household… I plan to document more on this blog as we explore more. In fact, I am so excited about the outcomes that I have signed up to be a distributor… but be sure that that isn’t because I am looking for a quick buck… this product line is exceptional and meets my standards and ethics.

Oh, and about that autism protocol… I haven’t done anything with it yet, but am still looking into it. One of my concerns was that Sahara doesn’t like to get wet (sensory issues), but I have found that putting the oil on a cotton ball or on her feet works well. I am going to a class this week to hear a mom talk about what oils she used successfully with her ASD child… I will let you know what I find out on another post.

In the meantime, if you are interested in learning more visit http://www.youngliving.com . If you decide you would like to place an order, would you be so kindly to reference my number 1183617

Mental Illness does not equate Evil!!

2011-01-20T11:03:00.004-05:00

I was surprised to see that nobody else was bothered by Sarah Palin’s use of the word “evil” to describe a mentally ill individual in her recent video. Although, I am not surprised… that would not have caused such an up roar among the media, journalists, blog-sphere and people as the phrase “blood libel”.

Of course they [the entities listed above] ran with the “blood libel” reference… okay my instincts say to give her critics that, but I just don’t know enough about Jewish history to judge that one way or another. And I won’t pretend to talk about something I know nothing about.

However, as an individual who has spent most of her professional career and adult life counseling mentally ill adults and children … I found the description of this mentally ill person offensive.

Evil is the intention of causing harm or destruction, specifically from the perception of deliberately violating some moral code. ~ Wikipedia

If we use this definition than we are to assume that the individual didn’t suffer from mental illness… but I argue that a sane person would not ‘deliberately’ open fire on a Congresswoman and others gathered in a public assembly. It is the casual use of the word evil associated with mental illness that makes families and individuals ashamed of having mental illness among their own: The Denial of Mental Health Issues Rages through Main Street, America.

Just before the Tucson tragedy, I asked a Facebook Group to send ‘prayers’ and ‘healing’ to an individual who committed an unthinkable crime against a young girl and her family near my home. The group of healers were outraged that I would request them to send healing to this perpetrator.

I reminded them that this perpetrator, like the gunman in Tucson, is someone’s [mentally ill] son, grandchild, brother, and friend. Jesus walked among the sinners and offered them healing… who are we to judge who needs prayers and who doesn’t? Just because I offer prayers for someone doesn’t mean I support their actions. It means I recognize that they need our prayers and the recognition of their mental condition so that they too can receive the help they inherently deserve.

But of course if we view them as an “evil” persona… this exempts our responsibility to help them. Responsibility? Yes, I believe it is part of our moral conduct to help individuals who have mental illness.

Somewhere on Main Street America a mentally ill person is committing an unthinkable crime; it could be someone we personally know… now is the time to take the responsibility to offer outreach to that person and their family. And maybe, just maybe, if the masses see us do that… then other families will get the help they need before the unthinkable happens.

Mental Illness does not equate Evil!!

As for Sarah Palin, I think she is a pitiful pawn in a Big Boys’ Club. But her political tactics of cross-hairs on a map did not cause this person to go shoot US Rep Gabrielle Giffords and other innocent bystanders…. mental illness did.

However, we cannot prove that it didn’t energetically influence the violence that day or somewhere else on a backstreet in America.

I do not let my children watch violent tv shows or cartoons for the same reason. Bottom line… Violent images promote violence. Again, as a collective global community we need to take responsibility. But then again, our nation is good at the blame game and not taking responsibility.

Book Review: The Power of Intention

2010-12-31T10:27:00.005-05:00

The Power of Intention – Gift Edition

Learning to Co-create Your World Your Way

By Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

I was first introduced to Dr. Wayne Dyer many years ago through his public television broadcast of The Power of Intention. I found Dr. Dyer to be articulate, heart centered, peaceful and charming as he thoughtfully spoke his words, “Intention is a force in the universe, and everything and everyone is connected to this invisible force.”

My life was instantly transformed as I integrated The Power of Intention into my own personal life. Specifically, The Seven Faces of Intention impacted my daily actions and thoughts, fostering great change within me— Creativity, Kindness, Love, Beauty, Expansiveness, Abundance and Receptivity. These are powerful concepts that can create profound shifts for anyone when mindfully implemented.

As I re-read the 2010 gift edition of this unparalleled work, those seven concepts elicited a feeling of peace and harmony within the core of my being. I became aware of how much over the years I unconsciously integrated these Faces Of Intention into my own personal daily practices. In particular, I began to distinguish how much Dr. Dyer’s work had influenced my style of mothering…. I keenly became aware of the way in which I intended opportunities, growth, expansion and health within my young children’s lives and how I have taught them core life values through The Power of Intention.

As I continue to nurture these concepts and values with my young children, I understand that they are receiving an extraordinary gift and a means to manifest and cultivate a purposeful life; unlocking a power within them to have control over their unknown futures. I enthusiastically recognize that The Source of creation is alive and expressing itself through these dynamic children, not just mine… but through all children.

I believe the most profound outcome I have experienced with The Power of Intention is in the realm of my perception of what it means to be a special needs mother. When my youngest daughter was diagnosed with infantile autism at age 4 ½ we had a difficult choice... We could either blindly accept the diagnosing psychologist’s perspective of our daughter having a future full of great difficulty OR create a life of unlimited potential and opportunity for her.

At the time of the diagnosis, my husband and I were told that our little girl would never to go college, work or live independently; that she would have immense limitations put on her level of socialization; and that her life would include no option for marriage nor children of her own. As if that wasn’t bad enough, we were told to prepare for a long complicated road ahead of us and to start making plans for a future that was certain to include group homes and a life time of non-verbal communication.

Alone and full of raw emotion, I cried for days about her uncertain future. Then on the third morning, during a meditation I had an epiphany… My daughter was exceptional beyond any label or prognosis forced upon her. This meant I was about to relinquish the perspective of the psychologist AND set into motion my own intentions about the magnificent fulfilling life she inherently deserved.

I immediately began meditating on the things I intended for my daughter… to find her way out of catatonia, to develop verbal communication, to long for touch, to socialize, to play with her older sister, to enter mainstream public education, etc… I began to see her doing these things in my meditations, I focused on the feelings of elation when I witnessed her tiny milestones, and I began to treat her as if she was exceptional beyond the label of autism… a perfect creation through God.

I expected miracles…. And we got them!

The invitation to review The Power of Intention presented itself at the perfect time in our lives. It has served as a gentle reminder of how powerful we all are and how all of our possibilities already reside within us. It has jogged my memory that there are no physical limitations. It has evoked gratitude about a time that I was rendered helpless… and how The Power of Intention turned our lives around in order to discover our daughter being an absolute expression of life!

Dr. Dyer has offered us effective tools to use along our personal journey; tools that have empowered us to not aim at curing our daughter of autism, but to soften the challenges that she experiences so that she may have a fantastic life of her choosing. Our shift in thought has opened the door to infinite opportunities for both of our children and selves.

The Power of Intention, Learning to Co-create Your World Your Way is a perfect read for not only parents of special children, but for anyone seeking change in their lives. Dr. Dyer offers specific tasks and steps to take to unleash the power within you to create that which you desire. Keep in mind, this isn’t a how to recipe style book, rather it is a unique piece of literature that guides you to look at life differently and to open yourself to take an active role in what you kind of life you have.

The Power of Intention is saturated with facts about this energy behind our thoughts and actions. In particular, the summarization of the 29 year research of Dr. David Hawkins is instrumental in the realization that this unseen vibrational force is the frequency that impacts and gives life to everything… including our thoughts, actions, and…. intentions.

Dr. Dyer does more than present these facts and ideas to us, he paints a unique picture through stories and quotes from poets, philosophers and modern day teachers. This collection of words illustrates to us the power of our thought, words and intent; that we can and do have the power within us that can create that which we desire. Dr. Dryer helps us realize that we can have an active role in what takes place in our lives.

Uniquely designed, each page brings the sensation of The Source alive through brilliant bursts of colors and inspirational art. This stunningly beautiful version of Dr. Dyer’s work serves as an excellent addition to your own personal collection or as a thoughtful gift to a loved one.

“Dr. Wayne W. Dyer is an internationally renowned author and speaker in the field of self-development. He is the author of more than 30 books, has created numerous audio programs and videos, and has appeared on thousands of television and radio shows. www.DrWayneDyer.com”

Hay House

Amazon

Barnes & Nobel

Chapters Indigo (Canada)

Donation Ideas

2010-12-29T10:47:00.012-05:00

If you are considering giving to charity as this year ends... please consider local charities or ones that you know where the money is going.

Many people ask if I support Autism Speaks... I do not. For the same reasons I do not buy pink ribbons and walk walks... I don't know where the money trail goes... well, I have my suspicions, but that is not for this post.

WHO DO I SUPPORT?

I support AWN and NZ... With these two organizations, I KNOW where the money trail is and what they are specifically doing to impact our global community.

Autism Womens Network (AWN) supports females on the spectrum and your donation would go towards hosting workshops across the US to educate and empower families like mine.

This community of autistic women have welcomed me, as a NT mother, into their community with open arms... I have developed a vested interest in their work. My goal is to empower other mothers like myself and young girls like my daughter. That simple! To donate click here.

NZ (Numinous Zoe) is a non-denominational, Christ centered church that has offered local resources for me to personally work with the autism community through spiritual and energetic mentorship. Your donation would help continue not only my mission & spiritual growth, but would support outreach to many who may not otherwise afford this alternative mode of care for their families and children. To donate contact Nathan at nnorris@numinouszoe.org

TY to both of these non-profit organizations... your personal support this year to my family and the autism community has been immeasurable!!

Product Review: Getting Into The Vortex

2010-12-14T22:44:00.005-05:00

Getting Into The Vortex

Guided Meditations CD and User Guide

By Esther and Jerry Hicks

Let me introduce you to Abraham.

The first thing you need to understand is that Abraham isn’t a person. Yes, that is correct, Abraham is not a person. Abraham is what Esther Hicks accesses while inspiring and motivating others to live a more balanced life through the Law of Attraction. Abraham is an energy source that has had many different labels throughout the ages. To Esther, Abraham is the vehicle in which she creates inspiration, hope and opportunity for all who participate in these teachings.

I am certain some will see this as hocus pocus, new age, metaphysical or possibly even blasphemous. However, I believe that none of that is accurate. In fact, I have found the teachings of Abraham to reinforce my relationship with and trust in God. If you look beyond the manner in which Esther presents her information … the messages that are left are consistently based in The Ultimate Vibrations of love, peace, joy and harmony.

In a time when the world is full of hate, disease, war and economic hardships this is an important message for all to hear.

And to keep in alignment with Alterna-Mom’s message, in a time when our children are experiencing challenges academically, emotionally, physically, and cognitively at an all time high, this is the perfect message to elicit strength and personal empowerment for mainstream parents.

Abraham offers hope and inspiration. Abraham teaches us how to get into a ‘place’ in which we can tap into our true potential and manifest solutions to our challenges. Abraham calls this place The Vortex. The Vortex is simply a meditative state in which we can find solutions to the difficulties in our lives. This isn’t a magical place or a placebo effect, but a meditative discipline in which the solutions can and often do surface.

In the teaching of Abraham, The Vortex is the place in which all things are created… in Christianity, we call this place prayer.

Abraham states that it is not necessary to meditate for more than 15 minutes per day. In fact, they say life is about living, not contemplating about living… and so Abraham has presented us with an effective tool, Getting into the Vortex Guided Meditations CD and User Guide, to teach us how to efficiently meditate and get into this Vortex where intention and creation occur.

In the Guided Meditations CD, Esther’s voice gently carries you through the meditations. Her voice is calm and soothing; eliciting an instant relaxation. Your breath seems to lose itself into the rhythm of the background music… ebbing in and out. Abraham tells us that this is the most important result of this tool; sitting still for 15 minutes a day allowing our breath to match the rhythm of the music on this CD. We do not have to understand what is being said. In fact, we do not have to alter anything in our daily routines, but to find time to be still and breathe.

The most prominent words to me throughout the Getting Into The Vortex CD is “Breathe in, Breathe out.”

In fact, since using this CD, I find myself saying these four words, “Breathe in, Breathe out,” often over my internal chatter during challenging moments. With that, I am able to easily re-center myself through the simple act of consciously breathing. It is in this connection that I remember “who-I-really-am” and remember to release control over many things I have no control over.

There are four tracks on this CD that can empower your life:

General Well Being Meditation
Financial Well Being Meditation
Physical Well Being Meditation
Relationship Well Being Meditation

Each is unique in verse, yet a similar presentation. I felt that this consistency allowed me to relax more quickly regardless of the track I was listening to. I also have found this to be a perfect way to incorporate meditation into your child’s life. Simply play the CD in the background while your child is playing, bathing or resting and observe subtle changes in the child’s Well Being.

If you are the left brain thinker (like me) that must know what each phrase means and how those words can educe profound change in your life, the User Guide will be a delightful reference book for you. This guide offers clarity. Abraham has elaborated on each phrase in this guide so that everyone can have a deeper understanding to what is being said and intended in this meditative tool.

If you are interested in learning more about Abraham, Esther and Jerry Hicks, or The Vortex, I suggest you look at the links below. This is a very powerful tool for your whole family to achieve all the benefits of basic meditation and much more!

Hay House

Amazon

Barnes & Nobel

Chapters Indigo (Canada)

AWN: Crucial support to women, teens, girls and families on the autism spectrum

2010-12-08T08:45:00.002-05:00

The Autism Women’s Network (AWN) offers crucial support to women, teens, girls and families on the autism spectrum... please take a moment today to read this and take action to let them know that not only does the autism community appreciate their efforts, but so do others.

For the past several months I have posted a link on my Facebook and Twitter page daily for the The Autism Women’s Network’s chance to win a $50,000 grant to help females on the autism spectrum in the Pepsi Refresh Project...

While this is a very important cause to me, I am sure that it is probable that many of my mainstream friends roll their eye as I continue to ask for their support! It is even likely that many will be relieved to hear this will be the last month that AWN will enter this contest.

Over the past few months, by participating in the self-driven need to promote this project, I have been warmly accepted as a mother representing her non-verbal six year old daughter among this community of self-advocates. As my interest in this project strengthened so did my report with several of the women from AWN.

I discuss why I value this project (HERE) and (HERE).

In short, I have a daughter on the spectrum that was not diagnosed until after years of pleading with professionals to listen. (I am certain that her gender played a role in the lack of attention to our continuous concerns.) I also recognize that females are underserved and represented in the presentation of the spectrum.

It isn’t that I ignore male issues on the autism spectrum; I just have a vested interest in female issues because that is my reality. My goal in supporting Autism Women’s Network is simple:

To get the support my children and I need on a personal level. And to globally help girls, teens and adult women (and their families) to get the support and education they need, to prevent abuse, and to promote early intervention for females.

So, how will this project help?

Project Overview:

The Autism Women's Network is unique in that it was founded by women on the autism spectrum. Our mission is to provide effective supports to autistic females of all ages through a sense of community, advocacy, and resources. AWN's Project FAIM ( F emale A utistic I nsight M entoring) workshops will be the 1st of its kind. We plan to set up 5 Project FAIM Workshops across the USA which will focus on qualities specific to females on the autism spectrum. Topics will include: peer supports, adolescence, adult life, relationships, vulnerabilities and successful communications. Project FAIM Workshops will include active supports and information for everyone (autistics, parents, educators, etc.) The participants will meet renowned autistic females whereby gaining valuable insight. We will secure the Autism Women's Network non-profit status so we can continue to provide Community Events, online Forum support & E-Mentoring as well as our AWN Radio Show.

This has already begun to come into fruition through the Pepsi Campaign…

Sharon daVanport, AWN executive director, told me that, “This campaign has put AWN in contact with dozens of organizations, fabulous community minded projects and wonderful men, women and children from coast to coast across the USA.”

Isn’t that exciting!?!?! Imagine how this will impact our autism community as a whole!!

Not only that, AWN has received 9 invitations (including me) to host workshops across the US!! “Most of the invitations have included travel, lodging, and offers of a place to host the events! AWN has almost doubled the number of workshops which the Pepsi Grant would have provided.”

Can it get any better? Well, yes it can…

Sharon said, “The grant funds we were allocating to establish AWN as a non-profit will be minimized. We've had another 501 3C step up and say that they will back AWN through the process of filing all Federal, State, and trademark documents to finalize our non-profit if we do not finish December in the Top 10!”

So it appears that AWN will be winners (2x over) at the end of December whether or not we finish in the top 10!

There are three ways to support this project if you would like to vote for AWN…

VOTE Daily:
(1) On Facebook ☛ http://bit.ly/akQc0P?
(2) Text 101500 to Pepsi at (73774)
(3) Online at: ☛ http://pep.si/eg1mOG

Dr. Temple Grandin: Animal Behavior, The Autistic Brain and Inspiration!

2010-12-05T10:56:00.013-05:00

Many people get excited about meeting their favorite rock star or movie star… not me, I wanted to meet a livestock behavior expert!!

You may ask, ‘Why on earth would Alterna-Mom, a mid-west special needs mom, be interested in livestock behavior?’. Well, I am not. And yet, ironically I completely am. See, Dr. Temple Grandin isn’t just the world’s most famous animal expert and livestock rights advocate, Dr. Grandin has also won the hearts of the global autism community through her self-advocacy and insights on how the autistic brain works. … yes, that is right a DOCTOR of animal science who has autism!! She unknowingly paved the way for many of us to see that our children and loved ones are exceptional beyond labels and can achieve anything they desire.

BUSTING MYTHS

Dr. Grandin was diagnosed at age 3 ½ with non-verbal autism (infantile schizophrenia). The doctors wanted to institutionalize her, because, frankly, that is all they knew how to do back then. In her generation, it was common to ship off the children that were ‘different’, however having an independent thinking and educated mother who saw potential when no one else did, Temple was given proper early intervention and support which has cultivated a drive within her like none I have seen. Temple is a confident, successful and witty business woman and autism/animal rights advocate.

Busting the myths of autism, Temple and her Mother, with sweat and tears, were able to give Temple the tools she needed to become all she is today:

"Dr Grandin obtained her B.A. at Franklin Pierce College, her M.S. in Animal Science at Arizona State University and her Ph.D in Animal Science from the University of Illinois in 1989. Today she teaches courses on livestock behavior and facility design at Colorado State University and consults with the livestock industry on animal welfare.

Dr. Grandin has appeared on television shows such as 20/20, 48 Hours, CNN Larry King Live, PrimeTime Live, the Today Show, and many shows in other countries. She has been featured in People Magazine, the New York Times, Forbes, U.S. News and World Report, Time Magazine, the New York Times book review, and Discover magazine. She has also authored over 400 articles in both scientific journals and livestock periodicals. Her books 'Animals in Translation' and 'Animals Make Us Human' were both on the New York Times best seller list. 'Animals Make Us Human' was also on the Canadian best seller list.

In 2010, Time Magazine named her one of the 100 most influential people." ~ Michele Gwynn

When a friend informed me that Dr. Temple Grandin, Ph. D. was coming to Ohio State University to talk about dog and horse behavior, I was determined to see her. This is my personal reaction to that evenings presentation.

LIVESTOCK, PUPPY MILLS AND ANIMAL BEHAVIOR

Dr. Grandin’s presentation on animal behavior was intriguing. Every insight she shared… seemed common sense. However, she diligently expressed that when we are in the moment of behavior issues with our pet and livestock it is hard to step aside and see the details that might be triggering the behavior. (Kind of like our kids, don’t’ you think? How many times do we find ourselves wondering, “That was so obvious, why didn’t I think of that?”)

The presentation covered the horror of Ohio being the Puppy Mill Capital of the United States (alarming!!) and that Ohio is 1 of 15 states where it is still legal to auction dogs (sad!!)… The take home message was this: DON’T BUY DOGS/PETS!! Go to a rescue or humane society to adopt… this will put puppy mills and breeders out of business. Aside the fact that we have too many dogs already in the world without homes, I couldn’t conceptualize why we purchase and purposely breed even more? This part of the night was shocking to me. The local groups that sponsored this event shared horror stories about puppy mills and breeding… I don’t want to share those raw details here, but it is down-right tragic and cruel!

Dr. Grandin talked about breeding and genetics. When we try to breed for the best and strongest genes/traits we also get unexpected discrepancies… the best way for me to summarize the ironic message here is that when we try to create superior breeds we end up with the weakest: physical and behavior issues are emerging at an all time high because of breeders interfering with and breeding for the best traits like blue eyes and fertility. Dr. Grandin says that if you want a fancy breed of dog… for instance the Golden-Doodle… Firstly, only get one from someone that can present the mother to you… if the mother isn’t present, don’t get the dog. Secondly, make sure it is a first generation Golden-Doodle… with one parent being a Poodle and the other a Golden Retriever.

The last take home message on this topic was too “test drive before you buy” so to speak. Just because some kids have had success with pets, doesn’t mean all will. Make sure the pet is a good match for child as well as the pet.

THE AUTISTIC BRAIN AND ENABLING

Dr. Grandin has raised the bar with animal care in the livestock industry and she has studied the behavior of animals most of her life. More amazingly, she has been able to give us a peep into the mind of an autistic. This has given Dr. Grandin the rare opportunity to educate the world about the similarity between thought patterns of autistics and animals.

Of course, I was pleased to hear Dr. Grandin talk about this topic (after all that was the main reason I wanted to come to this event). She talked about the autistic mind thinking in pictures and how the autistic mind, similar to an animal’s, categorizes everything. Her insights have helped me to understand my children better and left my tween walking away saying… you know that is how my brain works too. This opened the door to a fantastic conversation about the aspie traits we recognize within her and how this doesn’t change her core.

Dr. Grandin talked about how children today are not ‘pushed’ like she was. And although we have more supports and interventions than ever before, the parents and other significant others in the child’s life today, enable them use their condition as an excuse to not have responsibility and goals. She says that as long as a child can talk, make them talk for themselves. Make them get up at a descent hour and have a productive day. Make them accountable for all they do. Give them opportunities to cultivate the desires, interests and dreams. Don’t use the label “autism” for an excuse.

She further illustrated this point by acknowledging that as a child she loved going to the beach and letting sand drip through her hands… this simple, almost hypnotizing action, focused and soothed her (sound familiar?). However, she stated that if that was all she was allowed to do, then she wouldn’t have been giving the opportunities, skills and determination that lead her to the events in her life that brought her on the stage talking to us that evening. Because her mother pushed her beyond the stimming, she was able to become the successful woman that she is today.

TECHNOLOGY & SERENDIPITY

At one point, Dr. Grandin told several aspies in the audience to use the power of “Google” to open avenues for their own hopes and dreams… she said today’s generation have it very easy in comparison to the what it took her to accomplish her goals. Dr. Grandin said that with all the technology we have today (and gave credit to all the aspies who made THAT possible) that anyone anywhere could open doors easily. She referenced what I term as ‘serendipity’. She said to go out and meet people on social networking sites and present your own work and portfolio. She was adamant that if you met the right person doors would open for you…

(Side bar plug: So, I hope an editor or publishing house sees my blog/writing and someday picks me up… )

Speaking of plugs, Dr. Grandin talked about her HBO movie, Temple Grandin. I loved her enthusiasm and the beam in her eye when she relayed that every fact presented in the movie was accurate; if you want to know how an autistic mind thinks, watch her movie; if you want to know how a cattle chute or livestock yard is run, watch her movie; if you want to know her life story up until she was 30, watch her movie… I believe from observing her body language and the enthusiasm in her voice that she is very proud of not only this movie, but having had a hand in the making of it.

Another thing Temple was vocal about was her drawings. She adamantly stated that it took her 3 years of practice to draw cattle chutes in the manner that she can. And that the drawing in the boardroom during the movie, is an actual drawing of her’s.

CURE VS. RECOVERY

One mom in the audience even thanked her for the insight and inspiration that she offers so many of us! There were several apsies in the audience, one in which asked her about organizations like Autism Speaks. Dr. Grandin didn’t directly answer the question, but instead gave a 5 minute impromptu lecture against the curing of autism spectrum disorders.

She ended the mini lecture with 2 points:

1) If you cured every person who had autistic traits, we would no longer have any scientists or computer geeks to advance our world.

2) If you cured a person of their autistic traits, you would take a component of who they are at the core of their being away.

I have thought a lot about this point over the past 6 years. I do not want to cure my child of the unique abilities and attributes that make her her, but I do aim to soften the challenges that make life difficult. I want to address her functional expressive and receptive communication skills, her dietary needs, her delayed motor skills, her sleep disorder, her raw frustrations, and to curb her inherent need to flee to protect her from bodily harm. (… this list could go on.) However, beneath these challenges, there is a core within her existence… a witty, funny, determined, moody, intelligent, confident little girl that without a doubt will use some of her autism attributes to define her persona and create an exceptional woman who can and will be able to accomplish anything she so desires.

DIFFERENT, NOT LESS

I imagine this is what Temple’s mother meant when she said, “different, not less.” And as I watched this magnificent woman on stage talk with us, I saw how she was different; her rigid body movement, her deliberate gestures & need to put her hands in her pockets at specific moments, her articulation of words, her ability to recite the lecture she certainly was reading from the pictorial memory within her brain, her obsessive passion for animals and the consistent ability to relate the animal behavior to that of the autism. But, I also saw this woman who had a charming sense of humor, a passion for her animal mates, a sense of confidence as she articulated her mastery of the subject at hand, a sense of pride about her artistic skills, and the desire and ability to engage with the audience. Most importantly, I saw a woman (whom I respect and adore) present herself with all her little quirks and nuances with an aura of being exceptional beyond the label of autism.

I am proud to have Dr. Temple Grandin be a role model for my young girls. She was everything I expected her to be and more.

Share the Gift of Simplicity and Ease With Those You Love...

2010-11-26T09:48:00.009-05:00

Black Friday seems to contradict what ‘The Holiday Season’ is all about.

So, today I sit cozy and warm with my children while sipping hot tea and reflecting...

Over the past 6 years, I have learned to never take anything for granted… and that includes Christmas morning.

When you have a child who cannot comprehend why you allow a strange man in a costume come into your home in the middle of the night while you sleep OR have another child who is so catatonic that she cannot even open her own gifts… you have no choice but to recreate what the Holidays mean to you.

((For us, Commercialization and Idealization is far from the equation.))

Many of my own expectations have been calmed and put into perspective. I have surrendered “The Beaver Cleaver” Holiday to old re-runs… instead we have learned to make do with what we have and appreciate the little things. The most important thing (and this may seem cliche but it is true) is that we are together and offer unconditional love to one another.

I cringe when I think of the children exposed to too much commercialization at the holiday... and what message that sends to their expectations and sense of self. So, instead of Christmas Barbies and Gameboys... we construct homemade gifts. And instead of Reindeer and Santa cookies (loaded with artificial dyes and colors), we make a birthday cake and sing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus on Christmas Day.

I wish such simplicity to all families. To be in the moment of togetherness and pure unadulterated joy!! As we enter the Holiday Season, I suggest that you pause and allow ease into your life!! This alone could be the greatest gift you give to your child or loved ones... a more balanced you!!

Having said all of that, I know that my readers may still like a good deal for Black Friday... and the business woman in me will honor each of you too!! So, I am offering discounted gift certificates between now and Dec. 31 for my Energy / Meditation Work for Adults and Children. What better gift to give than something that will soothe the body, mind and spirit!

Adults Sessions ~ 60 minutes for $30 (50% Savings!)

Children Sessions ~ 30 Minutes for $15 (50% Savings!)

Distance Reiki Sessions ~ $5 (A Crazy Low Price for all of my friends who tell me all of the time, 'I wish you were in my town, country or village') J

All you have to do is make a payment via Pay Pal referencing my personal email account: ladysusan@sbcglobal.net

Then I will contact you via email to schedule your session and/or to confirm who is receiving the gift certificate and where to mail it… Yes, this is a great gift to give to your loved ones and friends…Energy based work promotes relaxation and reduces stress allowing the body’s innate intelligence to express itself and heal from the inside out. Doesn't that sound better than the re-gifted item that no one wants?

Who do you know that could benefit from an hour of “ME-time”? Or has a child that could benefit from the energy balancing?

Happy Holidays to you and yours!! May you each find simplicity in this season!!

An Autism Christmas Poem: A Walk In Our Shoes

2010-11-23T08:59:00.004-05:00

"Twas the Night Before Christmas
And all through the house
The creatures were stirring
Yes, even the mouse

We tried melatonin
And gave a hot bath
Asleep early for Christmas?
...an unlikely path

The children were finally
All nestled in bed
When visions of Christmas
Ran through my OWN head

Did I get the right gift?
The right color and style?
Would there be a blank stare
Or even, maybe, a smile?

Friends & family come
But they don't understand
The pleasure she gets
Just from bending her hands.

"Just make her stop it," some say
"Just tell her "no",
“You must learn to be tough.."
On and on they go...

We smile and nod
Because we know deep inside
The debate is moot
Let them all take a side

We know what it's like
To live with the spectrum
The struggles, triumphs
achievements and regressions.

But what some don't know
And what some don't see
Is the joy that we feel
Over simplicity.

She said "hello"!
She ate something green!
She looked me in my eyes
She did not cause a scene!

She peed on the potty!
Who cares if she's ten;
She stopped saying the same thing
Again and again!"

Some others don't realize
Just how we can cope
How we bravely hang on
At the end of our rope

But what they don't see
Is the joy we can't hide
When our children with autism
Make the tiniest stride

We may look at others
Without the problems we face
With envy, with wonder,
Or even distaste,

What we want them to know
What's important to see
Is that children with autism
Bring simplicity.

We don't get excited
Over expensive things
We jump for joy
With the progress work brings

Children with autism
Try so hard every day
That they make us proud
More than words can say.

They work even harder
Than you or I
To achieve something small
To reach a star in the sky

So to those who don't get it
Or can't get a clue
Take a walk in our shoes
And I'll assure you…

That even 10 minutes
Into the walk
You'll look at us all
With respect, even shock.

You will realize
What it is we go through
And the next time you see us
I can assure you

That you won't say a thing
You'll be quiet and learn,
Like the years I learned to
When the tables were turned.

~Christine Muczyk

(A Mom from the support group I lead sent this to me... powerful!!)

My Soap Box: Don't Pretend to Care via Your Product or Service

2010-11-19T10:00:00.012-05:00

The more I think about the HollyRod Holiday ipad giveaway the more annoyed I become... why are they putting such income limits on it ($35,000 for a single income and $50,000 for a two income family ~ that is not a lot of money in the world of special needs) and why does my SLP have to be in control of the giftcard ... so we don't qualify... that doesn't mean we can budget this tool that could make a HUGE SUBSTANTIAL difference in my child's life. Apparently, they don't understand the financial crisis in Autism Families.

Why is everything they say is essential so expensive... Biomedical case in point. It would cost me more than $500 to just get the appointment on the books for our local Bio-med doctor... for an appointment that is 12-18 months scheduled out... Yet, alone insurance won't touch the office visit, supplements, and other non-traditional therapies (the oxygen therapy intrigues me).

...Every one should be able to afford to get the care they deem necessary for their kids.

This is precisely why I offer substantial discounts to autism families with energy work... autism families cannot afford $60-$120 an hour for energy work... they can barely afford to feed their kids and pay for the co-pays for the traditional therapies... and unless you have been touched by autism there is no way you can understand this. I watch and listen... (I might burn bridges here) and I have seen countless energy workers trying to exploit this population... perhaps some are heart centered, but not all... I recently had one (a former mentor of mine) try to tell me the other day ... "she isn't autistic. She is on a spectrum, you should make an appointment with me to learn more. I could teach you a lot about 'THEM'!"

...Are you serious???

You went to one weekend course and you think you know more about the autism spectrum than I... who has lived it for the last 6 years? Do you not see the dark circles under my eyes... those are my battle wounds... I wear them with pride. I have countless hours of research at the university of google... and have witnessed countless pokes and prods on a little girl who couldn't comprehend why her mother was letting these strangers violate her space. I have hours logged in at the local lobby where I sit with other mothers (and fathers) and listen to their strategies. I spend every other minute of free time I have either in the library reading or on the world wide web talking to adults on the spectrum or other parents... I live, eat, sleep, breath Autism 24/7 !

Don't offend me!!

Nothing pushes my buttons more than seeing organizations, practitioners, doctors, pharmaceutics, authors, specialty merchandisers... (this list goes on and on!!!) ... that are trying to capitalize off of the challenges our children and adults on the spectrum have. And with the Holidays around the corner we will see more and more of this.

Okay, so maybe that was a soap box... sorry.

IQ tests are done... now what? (Homeschool, Resource Room, something more creative??)

2010-11-03T08:35:00.006-04:00

A portion of the verdict is in…

The psychologist called late last night (as requested) and said the IQ portions are done.

Our daughter is testing at an early 3^rd grade level, “…and that is being generous. It’s more second grade.” Although I am not surprised, as that was my assessment when we started homeschooling in the fall, I am feeling over whelmed.

(Note: She is 11 years old; in the 5^th grade ~ we started kindergarten at 6 years because we didn’t feel she was ready, so she was already technically a year behind her peers!)

My main question to veteran homeschoolers is this: Do you re-adjust the curriculum to meet the child where she is? I mean, after all, how can she do the 5^th grade stuff if she doesn’t have the 3^rd and 4^th grade skills? I know that seems like an obvious question, but...

if that is what we decide to do… what about those end of the year assessments?

If I am doing 3^rd grade curriculum with my 5^th grader, the 5^th grade assessment is ridiculous to even administer, right? And if she gets the ‘below proficiency ‘ (which by the way is what she got last year while IN PUBLIC school!!) on the 5^th grade exams, will the district and State of Ohio see that as me not doing my job with this kid homeschooling?

The psychologist explained the only way to put her back into the school system is if they got her an IEP for a severe Learning Delay (haven’t got all the formal diagnosis yet). And with this IEP they put her in a ‘Resource Room’.

Okay, so this is my next issue….

I have ‘issues’ (okay I have big issues) with the resource rooms… even for her sibling who has infantile autism!! It is seclusive, has a stigma, and I want her around peer models (which I know she isn’t getting at home either)!! This child’s emotional well-being is fragile, and this would destroy her!! (No, I am not over reacting, in case that popped into your head!!) This is a child who has been mainstreamed for her entire academic career up until now and…

So I know I already answered THAT question… no resource room for her!

That puts us back at homeschooling… AAARRRGGGHHH!! Apparently, I take this more seriously than then the “professionals” who said at the end of the school year that she was within the ‘norm’ (whatever that means!!) and denied any testing. Not only did they deny the MFE, they said even if they saw challenges in let's say math... they don't offer math intervention. Yes, I know they are totally out of line. I have been raising cain since the 2^nd grade and this particular school district has done nothing! I am rightfully upset!! But, my main concern is my daughter right now.... I will deal with the district later.

As a mother what do you do? Your child’s school days and progress mold their future… how do I help this child????

Okay, to be continued after we get the diagnosis in….

2 Year Anniversary: Reflections on Autism

2010-10-31T21:17:00.007-04:00

Today is the 2 year anniversary of Sahara’s formal diagnosis of Infantile Autism.

I thought about writing about the huge accomplishments we have seen in the past 24 months… and let there be no mistake they have been huge!! We have left Catatonia in the dust!! Her speech, socialization, cognition, sensory, and every other facet of her being has exploded into this wonderful expression of life!! I am so proud of all of her hard work.

...Yes, we have come a long way, but we have an even farther way to go.

I thought about writing about the blessings I have found in the world of Autism… and let there be no mistake there are huge blessings. I have made friendships and have encountered opportunities that would have otherwise failed to exist. Read my list of blessings HERE.

...Yes, blessings are always there.

I thought about writing about the spiritual side of Autism… and let there be no mistake my daughter is more connected to God than I could ever dream of. However, I have learned to trust God more and that He trusts me even more than that.

...Yes, God is good.

I thought about writing about the fears I have endured over the past year… and let there be no mistake there are fears that I face on a daily basis; elopement, wandering, sexual predators, IEPs, civil rights, bullying, harassment…

...Yes, there are dark corners in my life.

I thought about writing about the struggles her sister has faced… and let there be no mistake that she had to face more in her short lifetime than your typical tween. She has had part of her childhood ripped away by this invisible monster called Autism that consistently puts her on the back burner.

...Yes, siblings have it rough.

I thought about writing about the strain in our marriage… and let there be no mistake there has been strain. The piles of doctor bills that insurance refuses to cover, the reduction to one income, and the never ending discussions about the never ending issues that circle our life.

...Yes, communication is key.

I thought about writing how the diagnosing psychologist was wrong is her prognosis… and let there be no mistake she was wrong! My daughter is talking, socializing and living a fulfilling life. She will go to college, have a career, a family and any other thing she so chooses to do.

...Yes, possibilities are limitless.

And as I thought about all of the things I could write, I realized that the most important thing to say today was that I would like to introduce you my daughter, Sahara Grace.

Sahara is six years old and just started kindergarten. She likes her teacher, follows directions well and declares that she loves school each time she gets off of the yellow bus. Sahara is funny, witty and even sarcastic. She loves animals, bats, watermelon, Curious George and Mr. Bean. She enjoys riding her bike, swimming and playing hide-and-go-seek. She has self determination, a sense of adventure and the patience of a saint.

Sahara’s best friend is her eleven year old sister, Emily. Not only do they share the common bond of sisterhood, they also share the passion for horses, dinosaurs, water activities, chocolate, the outdoors and just about everything else they venture to do; in fact, they are almost inseparable. Daily my daughters inspire me to be a better mother and person!

You can read more about our early journey (HERE) on the Autism Women’s Network.

I would like to conclude by saying that if you are a parent of a child that you think may be on the autism spectrum… you are not alone! Demand that someone listen to you about your concerns so that your child can start getting the services and care she/he needs. Then find a support group so you can get the care you need.

I have found that joining Twitter and Face Book to be one of the best things I could have done for ME. It was through a sense of community and knowledge that I was able to empower myself to stand up to the plate and become my daughter’s best advocate.

Read about the Signs and Symptoms of Autism HERE

The Mason Alert: Helping Prevent Wandering & Deaths in the Autism Community

2010-10-30T21:01:00.011-04:00

I have met an Incredible Mother, Sheila Stark Medlam, who has touched my heart. I wish I had met her under different circumstances, but here we are nonetheless… Sheila not a day goes by that I do not think about you and your son, Mason!!

I always say Autism has blessed my life with fabulous heart centered friends!

… but what if Autism and the Death of Your Child blessed you with friends?

Could you find the blessing within such a tragedy?

Would you find the strength to face another day?

Could you ever echo another laugh?

How would you go on?

How do you go on?

I do not know the answers to these questions. But I do know that by the grace of God, Sheila is turning the tragic drowning of her 5 year old son, Mason, into a much needed safety awareness movement in the autism and special needs community through the MASON ALLEN MEDLAM FOUNDATION.

Sheila told her story to the IACC this week (here at minute 157-168) and advocated for the other 92% of children with autism who wander. Listen to hear Sheila talk with The Autism Women's Network about The Mason Foundation HERE.

You can listen to more statistic and stories here starting at minute 47.

This is why I personally haven't slept in 6 years... My daughter has slept in my bed with one of my hands on her back at all times out of fear of her fleeing into the night despite door locks and chains. Recently, I decided to give her some autonomy; she woke up in the night and removed the screen from her second story window. I thank God nothing tragic happened that night, but I know the risk is always there!

There have been times that she has fleed from the home during the day. She has been found in a tree house naked near a neighbor’s pool, behind houses and trees. Our children do not respond like typical children. Many are non-verbal and do not respond to their name when called. Many are attracted to dangerous situations like water, railroad tracks, streets and animals. … And because these children have an invisible disability they are very vulnerable to predators.

To learn more about some tools to help protect your loved one visit AWAARE… Working to prevent incidents and deaths within the autism community!

In Pensacola, FL the Take Me Home Program was created through the combined efforts of Officer Jimmy Donohoe and the Police department's Software provider. Basically, it is a system designed as a registry that has a photo of theat risk child or adult who is prone to wandering, some basic information about the person, and where they live.

Just 89 Days after Mason’s death, Sheila learned that they would be willing to make changes to the this already FREE program to incorporate the MASON ALERT information including:

A current picture of the child.

Child's address and Contact information.

Their facinations: i.e. railroads, small spaces, water

Locations of all nearby hazards such as tracks, pools, ponds, abandoned houses, busy intersections.

Notify if the child is verbal or nonverbal. This is very important, because when we search for someone, we tend to stand in one place and shout the person's name. A nonverbal child won't respond to this AT ALL. When I arrived home, the police were shouting Mason's name. I could have been standing right beside him, shouting his name and not gotten a response.

How the child reacts under stress. i.e. do they hide, do they run, do they fight, do they shut down and just stand still.

And finally, how to approach the child and who needs to approach the child. In some instances, authorities will just have to immediately react if the child is in immediate danger, but in other instances, it might be better to wait for a parent or caregiver, and taking this step might help eliminate danger.

I encourage everyone to contact their local law enforcement to inquire how to implement this program. In the mean time, please sign the MASON ALERT PETITION.

Sheila,

I am deeply sorry for your loss. I will not pretend to know your pain, but I do intimately know the raw fear that took your precious boy. Please know that I am honored that you have found the strength to advocate for my daughter and the other children and adults who wander in our community...

You are right politics should not have prevented someone or some organization or political structure from doing something to prevent Mason's untimely death!! You have an entire community grieving with you and holding your hand as you advocate for our loved ones! My daily prayers are with you, Mason and your entire family!!

Susan

An Autism Halloween Adventure: Beggar's Night, The Lost and Not Found, & Nerds at the ER

2010-10-29T10:33:00.005-04:00

I LOVE Halloween… I always have… constructing the costumes, organ themed music, bats and black cats, haunted houses, pumpkin patches and beggar’s night… SCREETCH… BEGGAR’S NIGHT… THAT IS WHERE OUR STORY BEGINS (and hopefully ends)!

This year was just as ordinary, yet profound. Let me explain, about 2 weeks ago Sahara started asking, “Trick or Treat, Yes?” Which is easily translated into, “Can we go Trick or Treating Now?” Up until this moment in time she has shown little to no interest in this particular activity nor has she had the speech to ask for it in advance… all huge milestones. So we created a visual aid to help her count the past 15 days… the excitement was building as we approached Beggar’s Night.

All morning she repeated her daily schedule over and over until she got to the part where she said, “Trick or Treat, Yes?” and would look at me with anticipation to confirm that today was the day! “Yes,” I would excitedly repeat, “after school… pizza… then trick or treat!” And she would smile and say, “Okay!”

[Fast forward… to the main event]

As we were getting ready for the big event, Sahara eagerly helped with her costume assembly… which the girls had helped me for the past 2 months construct… Golden Skirts and Tops with Egyptian Hieroglyphics sewn along the hems, head bands with golden coins dangling across their beautiful foreheads, with white capes… at the last minute we had to add a long sleeve black shirt and hosiery to keep warm. They decorated their already beautiful eyes with thick Egyptian black lines which turned into fancy swirls and golden (yellow) eye shadow.

The girls danced around me and wrapped me with toilet paper and drew even darker circles around my already tired eyes. Daddy threw on all black clothes with a golden sash… okay, that one was lame, but we ran out of time with our “Egyptian Family Theme” and his costume took the brunt of it. (Honestly, I don’t think he minded at all.)

So, it was cold and windy… but we trailed along in awe over the moment of normalcy both children were partaking… I say “both” because although Sahara was fully participating joyfully, cognitively, and with cleverness (she was successfully focused on how many Hershey bars she could capture tonight) … Emily was also indulging in a children’s activity without worry, and domination (which is partly the result of having a special needs sibling… she is always the one to control a situation in a life full of events that she has no control over). Laughter filled our little family bubble!!

Emily exclaims, “Look Mum your family tree!” as she points to a tree that had been toilet papered. Even more laughter…

[Fast forward to the last house]

Emily is chatting and smiling about how Sahara got more candy because she didn’t understand the rules of taking one piece… and I am laughing not only because what she is telling me is true, but because we are having a carefree moment... Then suddenly I hear a faint “CLINK”… I snap my head up and she says, “Your wedding ring!! IT’S GONE!!”

“What!?!?”

“It was on my finger, and now it is gone!”

I stay calm… let’s face it… I am not one of those women who need a ring on herself or ‘her man’ to identify that our hearts belong to each other… we have been through way too much together to have a piece of jewelry define our love, passion and respect for one another. In fact, that is how Emily got the ring. I haven’t worn it in 7 years (he hasn’t worn his since, well, probably our honeymoon 15 years ago). She found it a few weeks ago and thought it looked nice with her Golden Egyptian costume. I told her time and time again not to wear it outside, but to no avail she snuck it on to complete her costume. I suspect that deep down somehow having both rings (his and mine) brought her peace within her never-ending chattering mind… she has a deep need for connection with us.

[Back to the story…]

We got a flashlight from the lady at the house we just went to… NO luck! So my wedding and engagement rings lay resting upon the earth somewhere in the neighborhood… an omen? I think not! Did we punish her? I am certain that there is NOTHING I could have said or done to make her feel any more remorseful and horrible than she already felt… sometimes we are our own worse enemies… I am also certain that she fell asleep crying last night… the ring really meant more to her than I. She new someday it would be handed down to her(being our oldest daughter) and that hurts deep. We will go back out today and retrace our steps, but I am sure it is gone…

[The Loot…]

As the children went through their loot, we cringed at the amount of hfcs and dyes lying on our floor. We knew the kids would ingest more tonight than they had all year combined, which is why I always let them take the day after Beggar’s Night off from school… up late + jacked up on candy + tired = pajama day!!

Emily was still pouting about the ring while sorting, organizing and lining up the piles of candy in front of her; Daddy was upstairs changing into comfortable clothes; and I was on the phone with my sister talking when I saw Sahara dart out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. I got up to follow her and saw she had tweezers by her ear… I asked, “What are you doing?” She replies, “Ear!” “NO Sahara, we don’t put tweezers in your ear,” I see a flash in my head of her lying in my lap as Jim successfully pulled a dried pinto bean from the sensory box from her ear months ago…

HALT!

I listen to my gut and look in there… I think I see something. I quickly tell my sister I have to go and yell for Jim to come downstairs. I lay her on my lap and sure enough I can see something!! He brings me a flashlight and I see A PINK NERD in her ear… I look at Jim and say, “I don’t think you can get this one!” (Yes, that means we have done this before… why our children like to put stuff in their ears and noses is beyond me, but they do.)

[The ER…]

We have this routine down… but not when jacked up on sugar. The kids are antsy, the waiting room semi-packed full of random kids with face masks (and not the ones for Halloween, the kind you get to prevent spreading your germs). I cringe!!

The triage nurse thinks she can get the Nerd out… we say go for it!! She brings in this plastic pick like tool, swoops and… Nothing!! She tells Sahara to sit up, tilts her head and taps the other side of her head and shakes her head a bit… Nothing!! (Yes, that freaked me just a bit!) Sahara puts her finger in her ear before anyone can stop her and it went back to its original position. As the nurse confides in us that she used to work with autistic kids, she says she will make us a priority on the list to get a room.

Within 45 minutes of arriving we are escorting to a room in the ER. I note it is room 28… Emily’s favorite number... perhaps a good sign!

[Or maybe not…]

The ER nurse come in and attempts the same procedure as the first without luck… Sahara is starting to get agitated and I switch positions with my husband so Sahara doesn’t see my concern on my face. (I openly admit I am not calm in emergencies…. especially when my child is screaming in pain!) This nurse goes to get the charge nurse. When the Charge Nurse comes in she starts talking in a normal manner questioning Sahara... whom I answer for. The CN doesn’t see the nerd and starts to question us, “How do you know something is in there? … Did she Tell you? … If you did see it, what color is it?” She pushes my buttons “… just bc YOU can’t see it doesn’t make us or the other 2 nurses wrong… it is in there! We saw it!”

Nurse #1 looks again… “Yes, it is there [tells her location]”. The CN claims she sees it now and tries to swoop it out with the plastic hook… and makes Sahara’s ear bleed… Sahara is screaming, I am cringing, and Emily is repeating, “What is wrong with you mom?” Over and over again! Jim takes a deep breath and is once again our rock!!

Nurse #1 and the CN leave after discussing our options: 1) try the plastic hook again 2) flush it out with warm water… we choose 2.

[Enter Nurse #3]

“Hi Honey, what were you for Halloween?”

I snap, “She can’t answer you… she has autism!”

She handles my response well… I like her! We discuss with her Sahara’s sensory issues and our concerns about the flush. Sahara hates to get splashed with water and it will cause an instant melt down; she is already in pain, agitated, and emotionally spent. We ask her to let Sahara play with her stethoscope (one of her obsessions) to keep her calm.

[Nurse #3 leaves… Reenter #1 and CN]

“So you don’t want to do the flush,” asks the CN.

Jim impresses me with his calm, “No, we didn’t say that!! We are trying to explain the sensory and emotional needs of Sahara and what she needs to support her during the flush.”

“So, what do you want us to do?”

I ask for a surgical brush so I can brush Sahara first and they look at me like I am nuts!!

“Do you want a wash rag?” asked the CN.

“No, I want a small white surgical brush.”

“We don’t have any.”

“You are a hospital that doesn’t have a surgical brush?”

“Do you want an emery board?”

“NO!! I want a surgical brush… forget it I will just do the deep compression with her.”

“The deep what?”

(I am obviously dealing with nurses who have NO clue about autism or sensory issues. I am stunned since this is the same hospital we get all of our Autism Therapy from!)

They come back with a brush… but not the OT brushing protocol surgical brush… I tell them that won’t do. They leave and I rub Sahara’s skin hard with my hands, and then do joint compression. She seems to be calm.

[Enter nurse #3 and a new nurse #4 with a syringe that is HUGE!]

The syringe looks like it has a needle on it (it is a soft attachment to aim the water) and they start to say what they are going to do. I interrupt them and start to explain it to Sahara in broken phrases. I let her touch the syringe and tip, and she yells, “No, I don’t want to!!” The new nurse explains to us that the CN has told them to accommodate whatever requests we have, so I ask for a weighted vest.

… they look at me with puzzled expressions. I tell them to go to the dental trauma area and bring back a lead vest. They comply. After a few seconds of resting under the weight of the garment, Sahara seems calm once again. They demonstrate on me what they are going to do and water goes everywhere… down my clothes (trigger), on my skin (trigger) to the floor (trigger)… She starts to scream and thrash!!

I pray out loud for the Nerd to just pop out.

I quietly send her Reiki to relax her.

The long and short of it is… After another half hour of pain, screaming, and thrashing the nerd has dissolved from the warm water and is apparently gone. Nurse # 3 & 4 say they will send the CN in to confirm it is gone… we request someone else since we the CN couldn’t see it in the obvious position earlier. They FINALLY send in the attending doctor. He confirms that nothing is in the ear canal anymore, that the drum is red and will be sore, but otherwise she is fine and we can go home.

[When you think nothing else could go wrong…]

I tell Jim to take the kids to the car and I will get the discharge papers… after 10 minutes they arrive.

As I am walking to the jeep, I see Emily and Sahara running and crying. (Still not sure what happened other than ‘Daddy yelled at us’.) Everyone is tired and stressed to the max!! But, we all are able to calm enough to get in the jeep and head home.

… are you ready for this?

The plastic encasement on my key busted in half and the remote fell out in the dark at midnight in the ER parking lot!!

After looking for awhile I say, “F#ck it!! Let’s go…”

“Are you sure… “

“Yep, let’s just go!!”

The jeep won’t start!

Apparently you need the chip in the key remote to start the engine!!

Sahara is whining, Emily and Jim are out retracing their steps and I am trying to decide who to call to pick us up because at this point I am exhausted, my children are exhausted and my husband is exhausted and I just want to go home. I open my door to tell him to call his best friend and the remote gleams under the night post.

...the engines starts, we get fast food on the way home and everyone is zonked by 1:00 am.

[Happy Halloween!!]

Did I mention that Sahara was diagnosed with Infantile Autism on October 31, 2008? I vowed I would not let that ruin my passion for Halloween… like I said at the start of this really long (sorry it is so long) post, “I Love Halloween.”

Here are a few concluding thoughts: Yes, parts of last night sucked, but Halloween still kicks a$$! I have confirmed that I love my husband more today than ever! I don’t need a Rock on my hand as my hubby IS my Rock! My kids are making huge progress and have taught me the power of true unconditional love and for that I am grateful! And I am almost certain that all of my other jewelry is back safely in my room and that nothing else will go into the ear that doesn’t belong there.

Well, kind of, maybe certain…

Open Letter to DQ... How my autistic daughter was abused by your employees

2010-10-13T22:35:00.007-04:00

Dear DQ,

This open letter is to let you know that my autistic daughter was insulted, mocked and experienced defamation of character by some of your employees this evening!!

As I was placing my order, my daughter was ordering beside me as well. How ever cute that may sound (and in my motherly eyes it was cute as well as a huge milestone) it opened her up for abuse by your employees. Because of her infantile autism she has a severe speech delay and speech impediment. For the first four years of her life she was catatonic and we have worked tirelessly to pull her out of her inner world and integrate her into the community. Tonight your employees demonstrated that I need to work harder at educating the general populace!

Tonight as she ordered her ice cream next to me in her broken speech (which sounds like baby babble), one of the workers imitated her sounds in a mocking manner!! Not only was I stunned, but so was her 11 year old sister and father! When I announced we could hear them through the speaker, we heard them burst into laughter. No apology!!

When we pulled up to the window, they didn’t acknowledge the incident at all. I am my daughter’s voice until she finds her own, it is my responsibility to speak up for her rights until she can do so for herself. So I informed the worker that I heard everything through the speaker and that I would like to talk to the manager!! The worker did not deny the incident, and meekly said, “Sorry” as he closed the window. I informed the manager that my daughter is disabled and has a condition called autism. I explained to him what happened and he said he heard laughing but was not aware of what prompted the laughter… he apologized and offered me a 25% discount.

A 25% discount!! Is that the compensation for my disabled daughter being subject to humiliation?

The latest statistic published by the government is that Autism affects 1 in 91 children!! So, to you that means that every 91^st kid who comes through your lobby or drive thru is going to be autistic! Your workers must learn not only basic etiquette and common courtesy, but tolerance for those with disabilities. Is it not bad enough we have to fight day and night for the rights of our children with the schools, doctors, insurance companies and politicians… but now with the boys at the local Dairy Queen?

What those workers did was nothing more than bullying and defamation of her character. I have already told many of my friends in the autism community about this incident and many have already said they are going to boycott DQ.

I would like a formal and public apology to not only my daughter, but to the autism community as a whole. And would like to know what DQ as an entity would like to do about this?!?!

Below is the location and information on the order ticket.

Susan Richardson

Dairy Queen

2580 Bethal Road

Columbus, Ohio

Date: October 13, 2010

AIA003984099311

Server 122 Jeffery

I Don't Want You To Fix My Child!

2010-09-04T19:21:00.003-04:00

What if someone told you they wish they could fix your autistic child?

Fix... as in the act of making something that is broken repaired.

Am I being too sensitive?

I do not see my child as broken.

Challenged? Yes, but certainly not broken.

And then in the same conversation this person said, “…but she sure is beautiful.”

Beautiful… as in having great qualities that gives great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, and think about.

Am I the only who sees the paradox?

I do not see my child’s beauty as a compensation for her challenges.

Yes, she is beautiful, but more importantly….

…My daughter is Sahara Grace; She is whole, vibrant, and a perfect expression of herself!!

Lost And Found at the Library

2010-08-18T14:54:00.014-04:00

We have worked really hard at trying to integrate our six year old daughter who is diagnosed with Infantile Autism Spectrum Disorder into the community. We have come a long way, but have an even longer way to go.

One of the things I have done to help with this is to take her to the local public library for brief visits. In the beginning, she would run up and down the stacks… I can only recollect once that a staff member got coy with us. However, I believe it was because my older daughter was trying to catch her for me (which could have appeared to be horse play).

Like I said, we have come a long way! Today started off like a typical day for us… We returned our books and movies, and then said 'Hi' to the front desk manager as we headed for the computers in the children’s section. My daughter loves to play Freddie the Fish while I quickly get my reserves (less than 30 seconds). I usually put my stuff on reserve so I don’t have a need to go into the stacks. I then take them over to the computer checkout near the table she is sitting at. This gives her a little autonomy while I am able to get my task done too.

But, today I broke routine... I decided to get a few books that weren’t on reserve. My daughter was sitting quietly on the computer engrossed in her game just like she had in recent visits… I knew I had about 10 minutes before she lost her attention span (or so I thought.) I asked a librarian to help me find a book on pioneers for my other daughter. I was in a stack just 5 aisles over for less than 20 seconds … and she was gone! I even took a double take!! I spun around in a circle and she was no where in sight.

In an instant I decided to go immediately to the front desk, “I can’t find my autistic daughter…. She is 6 years old. I am going to the parking lot to look.” I can’t remember the librarian’s exact response but I am sure it was something like, “I know who she is… Go, we will look inside.” And then I was bolting out the door!!

I ran to the jeep and scanned the entire lot… she wasn't there. I was relieved for a split second, and then more fear filled me. As I ran back towards the library I saw a staff member at the door gesturing to me as if to ask if I found her. When I shook my head ‘no’ she hurried away!

As I reentered the building, I was amazed; every staff member had been notified and they were looking for her in the bathrooms, meeting rooms, stacks, under tables and even around the perimeter of the building. The manager told me to stay by the front door to be sure she didn’t get past us… I told her immediately, “She has on a red Hanna Montana shirt with a purple skirt and has short brown hair”. The next thing I knew I heard my words echoed by 5 people… “She has on a red shirt with a purple skirt and has short brown hair.”

Time was suspended as I watched the staff work together! I found myself thinking about that GPS Locator I got in the mail yesterday… it was still sitting on the charger. (Mental note to self: get that up and running ASAP.) Then my mind wandered to the worse scenario… so I told the manager I was going to go look in the parking lot again. She told me it was best if I stayed where I was at the entrance (the only way in or out of the building).

I took a few deep breaths to center myself and agreed. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw my daughter walking beside a staff member towards me….I ran to her as she looked at me like, “What?”

She had been sitting on the ground safely looking at videos the entire time. After I thanked everyone, my daughter guided me to where the staff member had found her. Apparently, while I was initializing a full fledge search for her, she had been innocently looking for a video to check out. She picked up her video, went to the check out counter, and then walked calmly beside me to the jeep as if nothing happened.

As I sat there for a few minutes, several thoughts came to mind about what I did right…

1) Instead of looking for her by myself, I went and got help. This was difficult to do. My urge was to run through the stacks and start yelling her name. However, when your child is non-responsive verbally this would have done us little good.

2) I gave the staff a description of my child. Due to sensory issues my child changes her clothing daily dozens of times. However, I am always keenly aware of the last change of clothing… just in case!

3) I didn’t panic. Again, when you have a special needs child this is easy to do. When I did begin to have racing thoughts… I remembered to deep breath.

4) I listened to instructions from the manager in charge. This is difficult to do when you are used to be the ‘driver’s seat’ with all aspects of your child. But, by listening to her I knew that one person was in charge and that they were following an obvious protocol.

5) I stayed at the entrance. There was no way she was going in or out of that building with out my knowledge.

(A special thank you to all of the staff at The Columbus Metropolitan Library - Hilliard Branch where I, also, host a monthly Autism Support Group.)

Counting Candy Bars & Breaking Stigmas!

2010-08-13T18:12:00.003-04:00

This is HUGE!!!

Sahara counted out 5 Hershey bars at the store (ignore that I let her eat candy bars).

So 1 was thrown away because it melted in the car and 1 was eaten in the store while shopping ... she pulled out the remaining 3 just now at home and counted them and said, "1,2,3.... no 4, 5... where 5? Oh No. Where'd it go?"

Yes, that would be my girl doing MATH!!!!

YAY!!

Tears of Joy Here!

That would be the same kid that was catatonic a year ago and the same kid they said couldn't count 3 months ago and, yes, the same kid they said would never be unable to live, work or socialize independently...

Busting through the stigma people!! If you don't believe in energy work and the power of intention and maternal love I am here to tell you it works! Don't let anyone tell you your kids can't do anything... and if they do... prove them wrong!! Sahara you Rock, Little Miss!! You are my greatest teacher!!

Back to School.... and I am sad!

2010-08-12T16:16:00.010-04:00

I just received the long awaited supply list from Sahara’s school for Kindergarten… and it made me cry!! Not only is my baby going to kindergarten, but it was 3x longer than any I had previously with her neuro-typical sister. And then seeing the personal care section… hit me like a ton of bricks.

Today, I feel overwhelmed with the concept of my daughter not entering a general education classroom. This week, I feel annoyed that I am already advocating for her rights and the school isn't even in session. Recently, I have been wondering how it would be like to just focus on purchasing back to school supplies and clothing like a ‘typical’ family. Right now, I feel sad!

This will all come to pass... and in the mean time I have a lot of shopping to do for just one child.

1. 1 box of colored pencils

2. 1 box of 24 count Crayola crayons

3. 4 bottles of Elmer’s white glue

4. 6 white or clear drying Elmer’s glue sticks (Please not blue)

5. 1 box / roll of industrial strength Velcro ( not the smaller button sized pieces please)

6. 1 pack of 4 count AA batteries

7. 1 pack of D batteries

8. 3 rolls of clear packing tape

9. 1 box of 8 count large washable Crayola markers

10. 3 bottles of hand sanitizer

11. 1 pack of colored bold tipped dry-erase markers

12. 6 boxes of tissue

13. 1 large bag of either of the following: Skittles, Gummy bears, M&M’s or Jelly Beans.

14. 1 of your child’s’ favorite CD’s or DVD’s

15. 1 snack pack size of Zip Lock bags

16. 5 no.2 pencils

17. 3 pink erasers

18. 2 water Crayola color tray sets

19. 1 pair of pointed scissors

20. 1 clipboard

21. 1 pack of 4x6in ruled index cards

22. 2 bottles of Lysol Kitchen Spray

Personal care items (please label)

1. 1 toothbrush

2. 1 nailbrush

3. 1 tube of toothpaste

4. 1 hairbrush

5. 5 plastic grocery bags (for soiled clothing)

6. 2 tubes of Chap Stick

7. 1 bottle of lotion

8. 1 bottle/tube of tear free sunscreen

9. 1 container of deodorant

10. 3 wash clothes

11. 1 bottle of tear-free body wash

12. I blanket labeled with your child’s name

Additional Requested Items

Clorox wipes - we use tons of theses

Large bag of various size and color buttons

Paper plates

Various colored Pom-Pom craft balls

Pipe cleaners

Play- doh, any color will do

Cotton Balls

Magnetic tape or strips

Craft “google eyes”

Any fun and easy board game or puzzle

Clear Self Adhesive Laminate (contact paper)

Yarn –any color

Fabric paint – any color

Bubble mixture and bubble toys